The "Why Can't We Be Friends" roadtrip

[presidentheartbeat]

The beginning of spring has always brought with it a surge of life to the manor, with the flowing greenery and blooming of flowers in the gardens, the return of any staff members who needed relocating through the winter, the sudden influx of reports from every corner of the land stacked into neat papers for Zelos to organize and go through.

It's all so boring, though. Zelos leans way back on his seat, holding some random documents in his hands, lazily scanning the pages one by one. Blah blah this, blah blah that. Taxes, trade caravans, territory disputes, bandits, yadda yadda, same old bullshit, same old problems--and that's without counting any of the other requests from the peasantry accumulated since the last stack. He frowns, sighs. Bounces his leg. This is nothing new or too difficult, but definitely stuff that will take a huge chunk of the day just going through. So even with the sun at its peak and the day warmer than it's been in months, already that's a beautiful day gone to waste.

Good grief.

...And alas.

Zelos sets down the stack of papers and gets up from his seat, leaving his desk to look out the windows behind him instead. Greenery, blue skies, singing birds; already so much better than last week. Spring is here, and two things always follow the first rays of sunlight over the land. The first is more and more work as he grows older, more responsibilities stacking over on his shoulders as he continues to adjust to the title of "lord of the land". Zelos groans, stretches his arms over his head. Pops his shoulder. Keeping track of who wants what and where is always such a hassle.

He bites the inside of his cheek. Keeping track of anything is always such a hassle. Zelos never even wanted this in the first place, anyway, but things sure change quickly within barely a few years when everyone is in a panic after their previous lady dies.

Whatever.

Zelos reaches over and opens a window, sticking his head outside and looking at the main road, squinting. The breeze feels good. Staring out the window isn't productive, Zelos knows, but it's not like he can be assed to go back to the boring stack of papers on the desk any time soon when there's already something else in his mind. Because the second thing that happens, every time without fail when spring arrives, is the return of most of his younger knights from the academy next town over. And among them, there's always--

Hm, okay. Zelos bites his lower lip, then abruptly gets back inside and closes the window, rounding the desk to walk over to the door. The stack of papers remains discarded and unattended to on the desk. But Zelos is distracted, and there's no way he can get any work done like that, can he? He should do everything in his power to clear his mind. Maybe he could take a walk outside, then, subtly sticking to the front garden to keep an eye out for any carriages and marches. Just in case.

After all, it's spring. Lloyd could be returning any time now.

Comments

[risingfalcon]

Spring is Lloyd's favorite season.

It's been his favorite season for years now, synonymous with freedom and beauty, with flowers and the smell of nature, with opening the window of his tiny dorm and letting the realization that his semester at the Knights' Academy is coming to his end flow over him like the breeze. But most of all, it's his favorite season because its arrival brings the knowledge that soon enough, he'll be on his way home, back to Zelos, back to the only person who knows Lloyd as he is. Back to the only reason why Lloyd still sticks around on this awful path his life has taken.

Behind him, he can hear the clanking of armor against armor, the chatter and laughter of his fellow knights-in-training, those called back to the Wilder manor before either their knighthood ceremony or their next semester at the academy. Lloyd's not familiar with any of them past a superficial level, ostracized as he was by most of them because of a reputation he never picked for himself, so he walks alone, a good twenty feet ahead of them, marching past the front gate of the manor. He keeps his expression even, doesn't let his thoughts give anything about him away - for all that he wants to sprint into and through the manor until he finds Zelos and can pull him into a crushing hug, spilling his guts about everything he has planned and what he wants for them both, the last thing Lloyd needs at this moment is to bring any extra attention to himself. Not when everything hinges on his ability to be forgotten.

So he walks at an even pace, keeps things calmed and control. Goes over his battle plans over and over again, recites to himself his father's schedule, and how he'll get the information he needs from the office he can access because of a relationship that hasn't existed in well over four years.

Even then, Lloyd's excitedness is indisputable, wrapping up his body like a snake until it leaves him grinning to himself, glad his fellow knights aren't able to see it and poke at him for answers like sort of animal at a zoo. He thinks of ruby red hair and an amused smirk, of late nights and inside jokes and being young, something he's given so little chance to be. And as he approaches the front gardens, that grin grows into a full beam as he catches Zelos bothering some groundskeeper, their annoyance plain on their face as Zelos talks and talks and talks, shifting ever so slightly, letting Lloyd know that he's anticipating something.

Lloyd's feet move him before he even thinks about it, cutting across the front gardens with that damn smile, ready to greet his best friend with a hug and a laugh, propriety be damned. "Zelos!" He calls out, feeling lighter than he has in months, raising a hand to wave -

Only for his arm to be grasped at with a firm grip and pulled back down to his side. Already, Lloyd feels the wind being knocked out of his sails, smile dropping down into a frown as he turns to face his father. Kratos Aurion stares at him with disapproval, nothing new, and even though Lloyd used to feel hurt by it, the hurts long since been replaced in favor of numbness.

"Lloyd. I'm glad to see you've made it back safely."

"I was just returning from the Academy. It's not like I was sent off to war."

Kratos hums, that part of the conversation over, and then it's back to business. "You called Lord Wilder by his first name. You know better than that."

"My apologies," Lloyd bites out, irritation taking control over his tongue. "I forgot he's above me."

"By the written law, he is." Kratos insists, eyes narrowing to look at his son. "Do not let your training go to waste because you decided to endanger your reputation further."

Lloyd takes in a deep breath and releases it with a scowl. He's not willing to deal with this here, not with witnesses, so he drops it and instead approaches Zelos, walking past Kratos without another glance. Now, he has no choice but to greet him formally, so Lloyd drops into a kneel as soon as he reaches the lord, resting his gloved hands on his knee and hanging his head, mood utterly shot.

To be reminded that their own lives want to pull Zelos and Lloyd apart is not something Lloyd wanted to deal with before he even got to say hello, but it's just his fault for forgetting that this is how it's been, how it has to be for as long as they stay here. For the past four years, they've been forced into their roles, into their formalities and standings, and for all that Lloyd wants to say otherwise, it's not like either of them have been able to break those walls built between them, merely talking through minuscule cracks in the brickwork.

But he can say hello.

"Hello again, Lord Wilder," Lloyd begins, upset that he can't even look at him. "Thank you for allowing me and my fellow knights to stay at the manor once again. We are all appreciative of your kindness."

[presidentheartbeat]

Bothering the groundskeepers is one of the few fun things Zelos can do when he's supposed to be doing something completely unfun instead. What's up with the carnivorous flowers over there, I heard the roads were getting fucked up by witchy roots, hey what happened to the key to this completely nonexistent room, are the last century's ghosts still in this manor, etc etc. He's halfway through explaining that last point to some poor, unsuspecting girl who just started working here during the winter when something catches his ear.

"Zelos!" he hears, and just like that he chokes on his words.

The tone of that voice, the pitch, the fact that it's his name; Zelos doesn't waste time in turning on his heel to catch Lloyd's face as he runs through the gate to greet him and only him. Warmth spreads on his heart--so, spring really has come. The sight alone is enough to pull a large grin on the lord's face, already stepping forward as well and waving a hand trying to dismiss the girl from before, but all that comes crashing down when Kratos fucking Aurion enters the picture and pulls Lloyd back.

He stops halfway through his route to meet Lloyd halfway, hands balled into fists as he tries to steel his expression into something neutral instead. God damned Kratos Aurion again, he thinks, watching them talk in hushed enough voices that Zelos won't be able to hear. Honestly, what's the point of all of this? Lloyd has lived here in the manor since he was a child, and Zelos has known him since what feels like forever already. Having a personal relationship like that with the current Lord would make everything easier. It should be encouraged. Just because the asshole has served the family even when Zelos' father was alive and they didn't get along doesn't mean he gets to micromanage Zelos' staff, head knight or not. And what does he even get out of micromanaging his own fucking son, anyway? It's not like appearances matter much where no one can see them.

Okay, okay, let it go already, geez. Zelos chews a little on his own tongue to keep from saying anything he knows he'll regret in front of the head knight, even when Lloyd disengages his father and approaches him on his own. Then Lloyd kneels down, uttering his scripted greeting instead of whatever he might've wanted to say, and Zelos almost feels insulted. His blood boils, a little, but it's quickly doused with resignation as he wills himself to sigh and droop his shoulders rather than keep a useless flame alight.

Ah, well. This is just how it is. "Yeah, yeah. Rise already, will you," Zelos says, bored, gesturing with one hand for the young knight to get out of the kneel, the other hand resting on his hip. Then he gives Lloyd a small smirk. "Welcome home."

[risingfalcon]

Despite Zelos' bored tone, Lloyd's had enough experience with the lord's mannerisms to know the truth of what he's saying, what he's implying. "Welcome home" pulls Lloyd's lips into another small smile as he stands, finally facing Zelos up close for the first time in over half a year. There are fewer freckles dotting his face now, probably a result of the cold and dark winter keeping Zelos inside, and his bangs are still all stupid, half pulled up onto his head. Genuine fondness spreads through Lloyd's heart, warm and familiar. He's home.

"Glad to be back," Lloyd says, and that's as much as he can get out before his father comes up behind them to get Zelos' attention. Instinctively, Lloyd straightens his position and evens out his expression, allowing his face to be blank before daring another scolding from Kratos. Being around the head knight feels just like being back around one of his instructors at the Academy - the less of Lloyd that shows through in anything he does, the better. Knights will be seen, not heard, his instructors had told him. Speak when spoken too, otherwise, keep your words to yourself. The less of you there is in your head, the more knightly duties can occupy your thoughts.

It's hard for Lloyd to admit that he's beginning to lose himself in the scope of living for someone else's gain.

"Lord Wilder," Kratos addresses, and it's no surprise that he has the perfect inflection to his tone, all polite coldness, like knights are supposed to have. Lloyd rolls his eyes behind his back. "Next time you leave your study for a prolonged period of time, I must ask that you alert the guards and allow for an escort."

He's in the fucking front gardens, Lloyd thinks, the idea seeming absurd, but. He's well aware of why Kratos would be at all hesitant to allow Zelos to run loose around the grounds without an escort. After all, he had allowed Mylene the same, and look where that ended up. Lloyd exhales softly and instead keeps his mouth shut, not willing to think about Zelos being in her position, about how her death changed both of their lives so suddenly.

Zelos: RIP to my mom but I'm different

[presidentheartbeat]

Of course they don't get even a second's worth of time to talk. Of course Kratos has to immediately interfere. The guy has been such a constant in Zelos' life that he doesn't even bother hiding his displeasure when Kratos addresses him, one eyebrow raised and the best 'bitch, please' pull to his features he can muster already resting on his face.

He rolls his eyes and spares a glance at Lloyd, mentally apologizing for the mess. This is so stupid. "I'm fine, Sir Aurion," Zelos says, gesturing exaggeratedly to the sheath on his belt and leg. "I did remember to bring my sword with me this time," he adds as a joke.

But Kratos doesn't look like he's gonna budge. "And while I am glad to see that, please allow for the extra protection of a trained escort while on the manor's grounds, milord."

"I mean, you're the one that trained me, Kratos," Zelos raises an eyebrow, shrugs. "I figure that'd be enough, right? It'll be fine."

"One can never be too careful, milord."

Something in Zelos snaps. "Seriously, don't you have enough security around the manor already? You're freaking out like someone's gonna jump me in my own home next, or something!"

It feels like everything goes still as soon as the words have left his mouth. Kratos tenses, and Zelos immediately knows that this is a terrible thing to be bringing up to his face, because that is a thing that has happened, and under his head knight's watch no less. Still, though, it's been four fucking years. The guy's just being paranoid for no reason. There's already guards patrolling everywhere they possibly can, and Zelos can't usually get away with anything without someone knowing first. Just let it go.

Kratos' eyes harden, but Zelos holds the man's gaze, refusing to relent.

zelos don't joke about your own death challenge failed

[risingfalcon]

Glancing between the two redheads, tension thick enough in the air that Lloyd could easily slice it in half with his swords, he watches wordlessly as they argue, not exactly in a position where he can speak up against either of his superiors, not unless being spoken to. On one hand, he can see where Kratos is coming from, wants more than anyone else in this damn manor for Zelos to be safe and happy. But on the other hand, even with the weight of Mylene's death hanging over everyone's shoulders like a black funeral shawl, there is such a thing as being too paranoid. This is Zelos' home, and he should be allowed to explore so long as he has a weapon or two on him.

So during the silence after Zelos' snappy comment - it earned a slight flinch out of Lloyd, if only because he knew his father wouldn't take it well - Lloyd steps forward, turning to face his father while getting some of the direct attention off of Zelos. "Father," Lloyd says, trying to defuse the situation, "I believe milord is capable of protecting himself. Maybe we can come up with a better solution than constant surveillance -"

"Stay out of this, Lloyd," Kratos responds, shooting his son a steely look. "You were not asked for your opinion."

"You decided to have this discussion in front of me," Lloyd points out, scowling a little. "I'm not trying to override your decision, just -"

"You are dismissed," Kratos interrupts, raising a hand to quiet Lloyd, who bristles, glaring at his father. "We both have things to discuss, anyways. If we may be excused, milord," Kratos ends, bowing at the hip and then turning on his heel, wasting no time in walking away. Lloyd has no choice at this point but to follow, shaking his head minimally before sighing and turning to walk off. Still, he can't stop himself from turning at the shoulder to give Zelos a small, tired smile and a wave goodbye before following Kratos into the manor.

Look it was bound to happen at some point

[presidentheartbeat]

Well, shit, Zelos should've expected Kratos would be taking Lloyd away when he got owned like that. Zelos takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as Lloyd walks off behind his father, unable to bring himself to wave back, or even shift his expression from the displeased frown he currently wears. This was so stupid. He really shouldn't have done that, if only to give himself a chance to catch up to Lloyd again, but it looks like their roles are still oppressive as always even in the Wilder manor.

Zelos watches Lloyd's retreating back as he and Kratos join the rest of the knights and disappear elsewhere near the barracks. He counts to one, two, three. Takes another deep breath, then twists on his heel and leaves where he came, all the way back until he's locked in his study once more and he's face to face with the same boring stack of papers as before.

He sits down with a loud flop. Fine, then. Whatever.

Get to work.

Hours pass like that, interrupted only with lunch and dinner and some coffee in-between. There's silence, for the most part. A couple of Kratos' men come stand guard around outside early into the afternoon, much to Zelos' dismay, but he pays them no mind. He just loses himself into the mind-numbing task of going through the paperwork and fulfilling his duties, careful of what he does. Approve of this, discredit that, look into this, bargain with that. It's a way of keeping his mind off Lloyd's small, exhausted smile and gaze as he left, or the practiced greeting, or the automatic way in which the once rambunctious boy shut down after enough pressure, and how much that bothers him.

That gives Zelos pause, for a moment, and he lowers his pen to glare down at murky letters on white paper. Lloyd... He's been like that ever since he left for the academy, now, all stiff and rule-abiding and fake compliance. It makes Zelos wonder--is knight training really going so bad?

Is Lloyd... doing okay?

Ah, no no. Don't think about that now. Just get back to work.

He picks up the pen again and back to work it is.

Or, at least he tries to get back to work. By the time the clock reads nine Zelos' thoughts are in such disarray that he can't really bring himself to continue working for the night, and so he excuses himself and promptly leaves for his room. The evening shift guards follow to stand outside through the night, as always, and Zelos doesn't hide his displeasure with the lack of privacy; really, it's fine. If anyone cared to put a third Wilder lord to an early grave, they already would've done so. But here he is, still alive. Unfortunately. This security thing is honestly getting ridiculous by this point.

Thankfully his room is off-limits. Once inside of it Zelos locks his door and busies himself with changing into something more comfortable. It's still too early to truly sleep, though, so he'll have to find something else to do to unwind. But even as he tries to empty his mind and think nothing at all, even as he busies himself trying to find something to read and pass the time, Zelos knows he wouldn't even be able to sleep even if he tried; his mind is plagued with thoughts of Lloyd's time at the academy, of the four years they've slowly drifted apart as they take up their roles as a lord and his knight.

It's... worrying. Does Lloyd even enjoy life out there in the academy? Is he happy? Is he even looking forward to working in the manor as a knight? Lloyd doesn't really mention anything in his letters anymore, vague as they've become over the years. Honestly, Zelos considers himself lucky if he even gets more than two pages of content.

What does he think of Zelos now, when their dynamic has so abruptly changed?

Maybe he just doesn't even like you anymore.

Zelos shakes his head. No, stop thinking about it. The questions ache in Zelos' throat as he walks over to the window, pondering, analyzing them, trying to find context clues in his interactions with Lloyd today and his letters, but he swallows them down and stubbornly grits his teeth. It's fine. He at least seemed happy to see Zelos today; and there's that sad smile, too, open as it was. Maybe that means something.

Or maybe it was just pleasantries, stuff he learned in the academy.

Ugh.

'Shut the fuck up already,' Zelos tells himself as he reaches the wall, right before he smacks himself on the forehead with the book in his hands. He takes a deep breath and reaches over to open the window, taking care to leave the curtains spread enough for the light of his desk lamp to be visible. Satisfied for now, he makes his way to his bed, ready to read the night away.

Once upon a time, when they were kids, an open window to Zelos' room was an invitation for Lloyd to come talk and hang out, something of a small tradition between the two of them that helped them bypass rules and get to know one another before it stopped. Zelos' room is on the first floor, easily accessible through the inner garden of the manor--it was always easy for Lloyd to just climb in and then back out whenever he wanted. But with everything that's happened, with the way that Zelos behaved today-- will Lloyd even show up tonight? Nine months a year for four years is enough time for someone to change, after all.

And Zelos knows that he certainly has.

i know but still!! ugh

[risingfalcon]

The truth is, Lloyd doesn't show up at Zelos' that night.

After a sudden argument with his father, Lloyd throws himself into planning. Kratos' words echo in his head as he sneaks around his father's office - the knowledge that he's a shoo-in for head knight bounces around his mind, driving him crazy as he looks for guard formation plans. He can't let that happen. He can't be the head knight, can't let himself lose sight of who he is or let these dumb fucking titles continue to come between him and his best friend.

this won't change anything, right?
of course not

Lloyd shakes his head and gets back to work before his thoughts distract him. Upon finding the plans, Lloyd quickly jots down his own notes using Kratos' diagrams and schematics and then shoves the original plans back where he found them, in the middle drawer of the right side of Kratos' desk. Scooping up his notes and a candle, he carries them outside into the gardens, finding privacy in a far corner of the orchard and settling against the back of a tree to avoid being seen. Setting the notes down in front of him, Lloyd takes note of times, of breaks and formation patterns, biting at his nails as he thinks everything through. He has one chance at this - they have one chance at this, should things go the way Lloyd wants them to. God, he prays they go the way Lloyd wants them to. He can't do this alone.

It's well into the late night when Lloyd stands again, rubbing at his eyes. Deciding it'd be best to avoid the ire of his father for being caught staying out past barrack curfew, Lloyd packs up his notes, folding them and placing them under a concrete path marker so they won't be found among his things, should anyone snoop. He covers the edges of the marker with dirt, steps on it so that it looks like it was never lifted to begin with, and then continues back into the manor, led by the candlelight he holds in his hand.

As he walks back to the barracks, his mind drifts back to Zelos. An incessant desire to walk by where Lloyd knows Zelos' room is drags at his plans, tempting him to do exactly that, to climb through an open window and drop formalities and be just Lloyd, talking to just Zelos, like it used to be. It's been over nine months since he's last been able to really talk to the lord, and their interactions of the day were way too hasty and tense for Lloyd to be satisfied, but.

Lloyd stops on his walk, running a hand through his fringe with a low, tired sigh, continuing on into the manor. He knows better than to try and communicate much with Zelos now, plans being what they are. He needs to keep his head low, just for now, just for two more nights, while he prepares and packs and gets ready, and then he'll talk to Zelos, bare his soul and explain everything. Lloyd refuses to submit himself to a miserable life as a head knight, refuses to become like the people who killed his mother, but the idea of leaving Zelos behind leaves a terrible taste in his mouth, bitter and nauseating. Just two more nights and his life will change forever, hopefully with the support of the one person he can't leave behind.

Lost in his thoughts as he is, Lloyd ends up in the barracks in no time, quietly stripping down into his bedclothes and shuffling into his bunk, closing his eyes and waiting for sleep he knows won't come.

-

The next day is a return to knight routine. Lloyd wakes up at dawn, shoves on his armor with trained ease and mindlessness, and walks over to the common area of the knights' quarters, sitting by himself in the back of the room while he quickly eats his oatmeal and takes note of his shifts for today. The knights are rowdy as they usually are in the morning, so once Kratos has given out positions, Lloyd takes advantage of the noise and slithers away, straight to the training field to warm up for the day. Sparring and training is more of a distraction than anything he has to put any continuous thought into, reflexes sharp and techniques perfected by thirteen years of diligent sword-fighting training. So, Lloyd decides to focus on the second phase of his plan, instead. He lists off things needed for the journey to go well, letting himself worry about it into the showers and during his first watch shift in the dining room of the manor. By the time the shift ends, in total silence between him and the knight on watch with him, Lloyd's quadruple checked his list and is sure he hasn't forgotten anything important.

Allowed a long break for a long day of work that will continue as soon as the break ends, Lloyd takes the afternoon as his lunch break, making his way out of the manor and into the town, buying supplies, two bedrolls, and two empty packs using money he gained while working odd jobs at the academy. Lloyd swallows down a sandwich quickly on his way back to the manor, using the time saved from not having a sit-down lunch to pack both bags and hiding them just out of the back entrance of the manor, using dense trees as cover to keep them from sight.

Lloyd returns to the manor to start his next shift for the day, watching the gardens, walking by the path marker from the night before. He leaves the notes alone for now, instead strolling past them with a hand on the hilt of his sword, alert and otherwise silent, the perfect knight. That shift doesn't end until right before curfew for the knights-in-training, so Lloyd makes his way back to the barracks, turning in early and with anxiety that carries his every thought.

-

The third day back is much like the second in it's routine, but with the added invasion of an unsettling amount of panic. This is it. This is the day that makes or breaks everything Lloyd's planned for the past few months, the day that decides if his life can be salvaged or if it was doomed the moment he was born as some damn bastard son. He wakes up with wide eyes, excitement and anticipation and nervousness causing his heart to pump so fast he wonders if it'll tire itself out and stop before he manages to make it out of the manor. As such, most of the day is silent, going over mental checklists and reminding himself of what he wishes to say to Zelos tonight when he finally gets to see him, when the risk is taken and the dice are rolled. Lloyd doesn't speak unless spoken to, barely even looks in anyone's directions, and if his sparring is a little hastier, no one says anything about it.

That night, Lloyd makes his way back to the gardens, overturning the path marker once he's certain he's alone and taking the notes and plans from out underneath it. He's packed a map in the bags by the back entrance of the manor, so he's fairly sure he knows where to go and how to get there, navigating being a skill he's glad to have been taught at the academy. Placing the path marker back in it's proper spot and fixing it up to make it look like he wasn't there takes only a moment, and then he turns and walks back to the manor, down to the knights' quarters, and into the barracks before any of the other knights come in for the night. Before anyone walks in and questions him, Lloyd changes into his travel clothes, light and quiet and sturdy as they are, pulling his blanket up to his chin to hide them. Then, he closes his eyes and waits, too filled with adrenaline to sleep, listening as the others pile into the room for rest. About an hour or two after curfew, Lloyd guesses, he stands back up silently, grabs the notes he had hidden under his pillow and his swords, and leaves the room noiselessly. Sneaking out of the knights' quarters, holding his breath and watching his every foot fall is terrifying, but he manages it with his mental notes of guard placements and posts. From there, he sneaks past the main room of the manor and enters the garden through an uncommonly used side entrance, circling around to where he knows Zelos' room is.

Practically trembling with the way his blood rushes his bloodstream, with the way his mind moves a mile a minute, Lloyd finds the little alcove he climbs to get over the privacy fence linining the outside of Zelos' room, easily scrambling over it and finding himself fighting a grin as he lands because it's been so long and he misses this, misses Zelos -

And then he looks up to the window he's to climb, and his heart drops deep into his chest. It's closed.

It's never been closed before.

Doubt begins to crawl into Lloyd's mind, wrapping its tendrils around his confidence and around his certainty and pulling at it until it threatens to rip at the scene. Who is Lloyd to be doing this, to be so brash as to approach Zelos like this? They barely know each other anymore, and it's obvious by the closed window that Zelos doesn't have any interest in being like they used to be, doesn't have any interest in knowing him. And it's with a painful swallow that Lloyd realizes he can't blame him - Lloyd doesn't even know who he is anymore either. This is a fool's errand, he's gonna get caught, he's gonna, he's gonna -

He's gonna try, nonetheless.

Lloyd switches his gaze to the ground with a determined set of his brows, searching for any rocks in the darkness of the garden past curfew, picking up a few without great ability to damage the property. And then, he steps back, winding up his arm, and throws one of the rocks against the window. He waits a few seconds before pulling back and repeating the action, hoping to god that Zelos will hear and answer his call.

[presidentheartbeat]

It takes until the third night since Lloyd's return to the manor for Zelos not to bother opening his bedroom window anymore.

Because, honestly, he's tired. Tired and hurt enough to be offended, caught in his own frustration like a man caged. The past three days have been an exercise in pain and longing for something that no longer exists, and Zelos has had enough of waiting every night with his window open and trying to get Lloyd's attention only to completely fail every single time to keep doing this to himself; because clearly, Lloyd doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, so Zelos should stop putting himself through this one-sided chase and accept life as it is already. Lloyd's already given up on him, anyway. He barely puts up a fight to meet Zelos halfway anymore, doesn't slip him notes in their secret spots around the manor. This was all clearly bound to happen eventually, anyway.

It's fine. It'll be fine. This is the way it's all supposed to be.

It was stupid to think that they could fight against the way of the world in the first place. Stupid, and deeply childish.

Everyone has to grow up eventually.

Zelos sighs.

Lord Wilder sits by his desk under cover of the candlelight, pausing in his writing. On the desk is a journal he's been keeping for the past three years or so, though usually remembering to write in it is a rarity as the days continue to blend together in their boring mindlessness. Nothing to report, nothing to remember. But now, now Zelos pours his thoughts into it before bed, venting, and tries to ignore the way the eerie lack of a nighttime spring breeze unnerves him. He takes a deep breath. Lloyd doesn't even meet his gaze when they pass each other in hallways, doesn't frequent anywhere he knows Zelos does, so there's just... no point. Zelos needs to stop pulling and let all of this go before it gets any worse.

The window is just the final nail in the coffin. He has to leave it closed.

It's over.

With that thought in mind Zelos picks up the pen again, determined to lock up any stray thoughts and feelings within the pages of the journal, only to stop again when he hears the little knock.

Huh. What?

Zelos blinks.

He waits another few seconds in his confusion, looking around, and sure enough the knocking sound returns, loud in the emptiness of the fancy room--somewhere from his right, over where the window is. It sounds like... pebbles on glass. Zelos tightens his grip on his pen. The sound sends his heart leaping and the lord knocks it back down immediately, because-- that doesn't mean anything. It could be anything out there, like raindrops, or hail. Spring showers aren't common, but they're a thing that happens anyway, yeah? Or it's a stupid bird doing the night rounds in the garden or, or, or anything other than--

Another rock hits the glass, and Zelos abruptly gets out of his seat and walks over to the window. The way a single, little sound is getting in his nerves is just absurd. There's nothing out there. Zelos just needs to see that it's nothing other than stupid rain or a bird to lay this whole fucking thing to rest, so he opens the window and sticks his head out, searching the skies, then below--

His mouth dries the second he makes eye contact with a familiar figure in the dark, and he grips the frame like a lifeline as his heart pounds. That's-- that's definitely not a bird, huh. So, licking dry lips, Zelos breathes out as quiet a call as he can from above:

"What are you doing?"

[risingfalcon]

The breath of relief and the small grin that tugs at the corner of Lloyd's mouth are instinctual as Zelos opens the window and addresses him, and even though he doesn't sound necessarily happy to see Lloyd, just the fact that he opened the window and asked at all makes the terror in Lloyd's heart chill just that little bit, just enough for him to steel his nerves and answer back. Still, he sets his mouth straight, looking up at Zelos in a silent plea.

"I need to talk to you," comes out in a rush, Lloyd glancing around him once again to make sure they're not being overheard. "Alone. Please, Zelos, it's important."

Lloyd steps forward, already reaching up to pull himself up to the window and through it. "May I come in?"

[presidentheartbeat]

Well, that's... already confusing as hell when Zelos had literally just made his peace with the fact that this wouldn't happen tonight or ever again.

Zelos blinks. This is... unexpected. Lloyd looks, sounds like there's something important and anxious stuck in his chest that he desperately wants to let out, a stark contrast to their closed off interaction three days ago. It feels out of place. Dangerous. Zelos feels a gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach at the sight, something that almost urges him to say no and close the window again, to save himself further pain and just be done with this.

It's just-- this wasn't supposed to happen. This was the end, the moment they let go of each other.

What could Lloyd possibly want...?

No no, don't think like that--

This scene is so familiar that Zelos almost has to bite back a laugh at how nostalgic it makes him, but unfortunately there's no room for such things now. He growls low in his throat instead, lifting his gaze from Lloyd for a moment to look around the garden. Someone's gonna notice the light from Zelos' room in the dark and catch the two of them talking if they stay like this. There's no time to argue here, so Zelos swallows down his doubts and steps aside, quickly and wordlessly gesturing for Lloyd to climb in.

[risingfalcon]

Alright, so he's definitely not happy with Lloyd, that much is obvious, but. Lloyd can't help the way excitement shapes his anxiety into something a little more bearable at the invitation in. There's a chance for Lloyd to fix this, for everything to go right for them for once, something that's seemed impossible ever since Mylene's death. It's with that optimistic determination to make it work that Lloyd pulls himself up the wall, clinging tight to the window frame as he strains, the movements familiar. He's done this hundreds of times, feels like, and the process lands itself somewhere between muscle memory and instinct.

Once he's got himself pulled up to the window, Lloyd lets go of the window frame with one hand and instead reaches for the bricks above, allowing him enough height to twist his body forward and into the room. For once, he realizes that maybe pull-ups weren't unnecessary adjustments to the workout schedule offered in his training, but he will never admit that aloud, because fuck pull-ups.

Jumping down from the window sill is easy, and once Lloyd's in the room, he makes sure to close the window and the blinds behind him, should anyone get suspicious and hear them. Then, he turns, facing Zelos, and it's like his words fail him entirely and all at once. The anxiety from earlier ramps back up, trepidation choking the words in his throat, and so Lloyd averts his eyes, clearing it. Normally all too aware of his tells and unable to let them show through his knight persona, Lloyd drops the formalities and the training, allowing Zelos to see the way he rubs at his wrist as he thinks. How to say this, how to say...

Just rip off the bandage, Lloyd.

"Zelos, I... Kratos told me three days ago that he's decided to have me take on the responsibilities of head knight," Lloyd starts, staunchly refusing to look at Zelos as he gives him context on his decision. "And I know it's supposed to be an honor, that I am supposed to be grateful, but - I. I can't, Zelos. It feels like if I say yes... If I stay... I'll just be forcing myself into a life without identity. Knights are to be seen, not heard. That's what we're taught. And I'm starting to lose my voice."

Lloyd looks back up at Zelos with a face as grim as it has ever been, desperation lining the circles under his eyes. "That's why I'm leaving. Tonight, I'm running away."

Sorry Lloyd he's spiraling a lil

[presidentheartbeat]

"I'm running away."

It's like getting punched in the gut, hearing those three words, and Zelos can't really keep himself from wheezing and stepping back when they come resting against his heart. They get stuck in his mind, repeating themselves as blood rushes to his ears. Running away, running away--Lloyd is leaving. Lloyd is leaving.

Lloyd is leaving.

There's a tingling sensation on Zelos' face, his teeth, as he lifts his gaze off the ground (when did he look down?) to search Lloyd's face again, consciously trying to change his expression from open surprise to something closer to a glare. Is this... some kind of a joke? Lloyd's motives--they're. Understandable, Zelos guesses, but. Leaving just like that? Does he really hate Zelos' guts so much that he'd leave him behind? Well, they're--certainly not friends anymore, are they? It makes sense. But he could've just left without a word instead. Should have. Considering how he's feeling right now, Zelos almost feels like he would've preferred it, because somehow Lloyd coming here to tell him in person is worse.

Something hardens in his chest. He wants to leave Zelos behind? Fine, then. Go ahead and do it. Good fucking riddance.

And yet 'don't let him go,' a small, scared, irrational part of Zelos' mind screams, one that digs its nails and refuses to let everything freeze over, or to let the roaring storm in his heart to come and wreck everything. Zelos hisses through his teeth, tries to say something--comes up with nothing. After enough false starts, though, with his heart pounding and his hands balling into fists, Zelos finally gets out a scoffed,

"Excuse me?"

it's fine they're both depressed

[risingfalcon]

It becomes glaringly obvious in the moments after Lloyd announces his plan of running away that if Zelos weren't already upset at something, Lloyd has succeeded in completely pissing him off. The realization settles badly under his skin, causing him to curl in on himself a little as Zelos reacts, all tense and hissing and barely-contained furiousness. Still, Lloyd tries to reason with himself, this isn't all bad. Anger is - okay, it's not exactly what Lloyd was expecting, having thought Zelos would be either indifferent or something first and foremost, but. Lloyd can deal with anger. It can be extinguished.

Forcing himself to keep Zelos' gaze, even past the strength of Zelos' glare, Lloyd tries again. "I'm running away to a small border town in the south," Lloyd states, stepping forward a little to make up for the distance Zelos made between them in his shock. He takes a moment to breathe, swallowing down the fear that swims through his body, threatening to drown him in his doubts until he gives up the fight and succumbs. "And..."

This is it. The moment of truth.

"... I want you to come with me. We can run away, together."

[presidentheartbeat]

BAD END 1 UNLOCKED

Ok HERE'S a proper response

[presidentheartbeat]

That raging fire in Zelos' lungs continues to lick at his heart even while Lloyd's explaining himself, leading to Zelos crossing his arms and staring the knight down where he stands, uncomfortable and angry and almost daring him to leave. Go on, the flames say, hidden in his eyes. Go on and leave me. You sure fucking want to don't you? Go ahead and say it.

Except Lloyd doesn't. Instead of his goodbyes, Lloyd delivers something else at his feet, offering it in a shaking voice: freedom. He offers an escape, together.

"...What?"

The question, like the smokes of his ire, leaves Zelos' mouth in a breath.

He stares at Lloyd again, fire in his chest doused with cold anxiety, and for a moment Zelos forgets how to breathe. Feeling too tense and trapped in his own posture, he uncrosses his arms. He's... what? Is this for real? The emotional whiplash nearly threatens with ripping Zelos in half. Because here he comes again, Lloyd, finally showing up a whole day late, claiming to leave only to then extend the offer to Zelos himself. As if Zelos wasn't chained to this place, as if all of this could ever be that easy.

With all the anxious energy gathering in his chest, Zelos almost laughs. He bites it down instead. "You--you want. Me to-- you--" Zelos' hands ache to be in motion, so he rakes a hand through his red hair, collecting himself, and asks, "Lloyd, are you out of your fucking mind?"

lloyd stumbles through explaining himself: the au

[risingfalcon]

Taking a deep breath, Lloyd holds out shaking hands in a gesture of pause, trying to keep his own voice calm and collected as Zelos unravels. He's seen this behavior from the lord before, four years ago, back when he was so sure he'd be able to help Zelos through every problem from right by his side. Lloyd knows now that as long as he's in this manor, there will be no such thing, and remembering that fact steals his resolve. "Listen, Zelos," Lloyd starts, forcing his voice to even out a little, trying to keep his nerves under control, "I know what I'm asking for is - it's a lot. Stupid, probably. Incredibly difficult. But, I -"

Lloyd hangs his head a little, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I'm miserable here. And I know you are too. We've always had that in common, haven't we?"

Silence fills in the bubbles where speech won't reach, Lloyd dropping his hands to his sides before crossing his left arm over his chest to grab at his right. Shifting his weight from side to side a little helps him feel like he's not gonna combust in place, at least, the trepidation cancerous and multiplying. He can't exactly find it in him to make eye contact for what he has left to say, but:

"Zelos, I don't want to lose you. Even if I stay, that's what'll happen. Like this, we can fight for a chance. We can make our own lives. It's possible, I know it is."

I need better icons

[presidentheartbeat]

'Yeah, no shit it's a lot!' Zelos wants to say, but he bites his tongue while Lloyd continues to explain. At least he manages to stay silent until Lloyd brings up their shared misery, which-- yeah, they have that in common, but--

With all that anxiety and slight anger still in his veins, Zelos can't really keep the words from spilling out anymore. "I'm literally the pillar keeping this place standing, Lloyd," Zelos says, taking a few steps forward into the other's space and gesturing at himself with both hands. He stops close enough to force Lloyd to make eye contact, all up in his personal bubble as he is. "What you ask of me... you're-- and if we fuck up," he restarts, "if we get caught, you will die. Have you thought about that?!"

He's screeching a little under his breath now, holding back only because of the guards outside, but. This feels important enough to raise his voice just a bit. There's too many thoughts colliding with each other in his mind, too many things that plague him. So what, just because he's miserable he gets to jump ship and leave everything behind? What about all of the responsibilities chaining Zelos down to the manor like a prisoner in his own home? What about the peasantry, the people counting on him?

What about the king?

This is ridiculous. As much as Lloyd deserves to choose how he obtains his own freedom, it's undeniable that he would have a better chance at escaping on his own. Because if they get found, people will most likely assume Lloyd kidnapped the lord, and then who says Zelos can protect him from the rest of the nobility's ire? Taking Zelos along is just a stupid, completely unnecessary risk that will lead to his death if he's not careful.

And Zelos doesn't want his only friend's blood in his hands.

"You're-- you don't want this," he mumbles, taking a step back. And that's about all he gets. If he wanted to say more, the words just won't come, but he has a feeling Lloyd won't need them anyway.

'Just leave me behind. Save yourself,' he keeps hidden in that slight glare in his eyes, something he hopes reads as final.

soon you will have access to Important Icons

[risingfalcon]

Lloyd flinches as Zelos raises his voice, every inch of his body screaming that he's fucked up, that this isn't what he's supposed to do as a knight, that his lord's displeasure at him is a direct failure on his part, that what he needs to do is put the mask back on and apologize and give up this whole charade, but. Lloyd knows that's a lie, something beaten into him by the academy. He knows that if he backs down now, he's just accepting a life full of misery for both of them. He has to keep trying.

Still, guilt installs itself into Lloyd's heart as Zelos speaks, submits his reasons for why he shouldn't leave. Though he's thought about the consequences of taking Zelos away from his post before and hasn't been able to picture a solution, having the reality of it laid out in front of him still makes him feel terrible for suggesting it. And nothing Lloyd can say can really take away the irresponsibility of just tossing the duty of lordship away when Zelos is relied upon, but. Lloyd stares at his hands, ashamed of himself, as he begins to regret asking Zelos at all, regrets putting Zelos in this position and outing himself as a selfish bastard.

Maybe Kratos was right. His attitude would cause more problems between him and Zelos than their titles would.

Zelos' comments about the risk involved in taking him with fly right over Lloyd's head, having been thought about over and over. Lloyd knows that if he gets caught with Zelos, chances are he'd be executed. And he's well aware that even if he left alone and was caught, he'd have to deal with public shaming and a terrible track record added to his already atrocious reputation up in the upper throngs of nobility. A protest dances on Lloyd's tongue, but then Zelos says "you don't want this," and Lloyd can't decide if Zelos wants to go. If he thinks the risk is worth the possible reward. If he even likes Lloyd enough to go through with this.

Even now, though, Lloyd has one last wind in him, one last argument he can make. If Zelos still doesn't want to come with, that's - it's fine. Lloyd won't beg, won't make Zelos face him for any longer than he'd have to. He'll take his broken heart and leave on his own. Slowly, Lloyd steps forward, gently grabbing at Zelos' hands and squeezing them. Once upon a time, this kind of easy affection and comfort was as easy to share between them as breathing. Lloyd wishes it'd be that easy again.

"I... I don't want to leave you behind, Zelos," Lloyd near whispers, slowly bringing his gaze back up to Zelos'. "You're the only person who matters to me, and I don't want to say goodbye. It's selfish, I know, but I'm tired of giving up everything I have - everything I am to some empty crown who couldn't give less of a fuck about me. I don't want to give this up."

And then Lloyd drops Zelos' hands, closing his eyes with a sigh. "The truth is, I want nothing else than to be free with you. It wouldn't feel right otherwise."

SOON

[presidentheartbeat]

What Lloyd asks of him, this suddenly and so desperately-- there's so much at risk here that it nearly paralyzes him in the spot, leaving him breathless and a little caged in his own brain. Zelos is a little ashamed of himself when Lloyd taking his hands and squeezing them is enough to still some of the raging flames in his heart and bring clarity once more, the gesture calming even though it's been ages since it last was so, and he very, very slowly finds himself relaxing his palms against Lloyd's.

Still, the lord's thoughts haven't stilled. There's a new, desperate voice at the back of Zelos' mind as Lloyd whispers his next argument, one that fights the terror that digs its heels in against the other's pull.

Because as much as his words are for himself, what Lloyd says--Zelos sees himself in them, too. Giving his life away to the crown was never what he wanted, and every day since he accepted this title, since the two of them started drifting apart, the world feels a little more worthless, life brimming with pointlessness. All the responsibility thrown on Zelos' shoulders when his mother died was always something he'd fought against, clashing with Mylene when she even suggested the idea that she'd be leaving it all to Zelos when she left. That day had seemed so far away, once. It was easy to deny something he didn't have to think about just yet, so he never gave it too much thought until the day came, with reality staring him in the face through a pair of lifeless eyes in the garden.

And it's funny, isn't it? For all Zelos bitches about Lloyd giving up the fight, right now he's the one offering an exit while Zelos is the one hiding behind excuses. Once upon a time he would've taken Lloyd's offer immediately and without question, wouldn't he? What happened to that version of him?

In his moment of weakness, that little voice grabs a hold of Zelos and doesn't let go.

'We have to go.'

He steps back and takes a deep breath, spares a look around the room. Zelos isn't stupid; he knows that he can't keep questioning Lloyd all night, or going over the risks, or trying to argue his way out of this until they settle on something that's a little more palatable or comfortable. Zelos will be fine, sure, but Lloyd is the one on borrowed time, here. He's already risked his life coming here after Kratos forbade it. It's literally do or die. There are no second chances.

So, guided by that voice, Zelos pushes Lord Wilder aside and makes a choice.

He twists on his heel, rushing over to his wardrobe, and starts rummaging through his belongings for good clothes to travel in. "There's a small bag of my personal money in the left drawer of my desk. Grab a hold of that; we'll need funds if we're gonna get anywhere," he says, his back turned to Lloyd and just trusting him to do so. Zelos is not thinking about this further than the extremely necessary right now, holding back the rest of his thoughts as he clings to logic and goes through the motions. Once satisfied, Zelos tosses the clothes to the bed and gets to searching for a bag, gritting his teeth. "I hope to god you have an escape route, Irving."

[risingfalcon]

Bracing himself as Zelos steps back and turns around, expecting to hear a rejection or even a "leave my presence before I call the guards," Lloyd is left blinking as that doesn't happen. It takes a few beats of silence before the fact that Zelos agreed to run away washes over him all at once, and when it does, it leaves him blinking wide eyes, a grin slowly spreading across his cheeks. He said yes!

Being called by his preferred last name lights a spark of grateful fondness in Lloyd's heart, too, the familiarity of it softening the sides of the grin with some sort of unspoken affection. It's been over five years since Lloyd's told Zelos about how uncomfortable Aurion makes him, and here Zelos is - remembering that and sticking to it with the same ease that he had originally said "Irving it is, then" with. With the fact that Zelos is willingly agreeing to leave everything and run away with Lloyd, it makes him feel warm and giddy, relief flooding every inch of his body. They're not over the hedge yet, haven't even begun to get through the rough parts of what they're gonna do, but just knowing that their friendship isn't irreparable makes Lloyd more confident and happy than he's been in ages.

Lloyd jolts himself back to today from the useless puddle he was becoming. Grab the bag, help Zelos get ready, and then it's time to go. The clocks-a-tickin' and they have to be a good distance away from the manor by sunrise, the knight roll call. While Zelos' absence may take longer to be noticed on account of him sleeping like the dead until noon, Kratos will be suspicious as soon as Lloyd doesn't show up; and when Kratos is suspicious, everyone gets on high alert. "Y-Yes! Can do," Lloyd says to Zelos, already walking to Zelos' desk to grab the money. It's easy to find, but Lloyd can't help the little "small bag my ass," that escapes him as he picks it up. This is easily at least fifteen pounds of gold coin, but sure.

And, "I do have an escape route," Lloyd confirms, turning back around with the bag in hand. "Being Kratos' son has at least one benefit - I get to see his guard routes and plans. I know where every guard post and placement and break is going to be tonight, and I've already packed up and hidden two travel bags for us. I got you a cloak, by the way, so don't worry about bringing one. Just bring the necessities. And, uh - anything else you need me to grab?"

[presidentheartbeat]

Zelos fishes out a bag from the wardrobe and gets to work in packing the bare minimum he can. He finds himself chuckling under his breath as Lloyd explains their escape, his giddiness contagious and spreading along with all the nerves under Zelos' skin; or maybe that's just his anxiety. "What a sharp eye, Lloyd," he jokes, light and low. "Can't believe there's been such a breach in security. What would Sir Aurion say?"

That was stupid. Still, he can't help being nervous. The fact that Lloyd packed everything in twos, that he has an anonymous cloak ready for Zelos--it really drives the point home, doesn't it? This is an escape for two people. Lloyd really was ready to uproot everything with Zelos by his side, trusting him to come along. It almost makes Zelos wonder what would've happened if he had said no.

He puts that thought away in the bag for later as he closes it.

Okay, okay. At least Zelos hasn't changed into his sleep clothes yet, so what he's wearing now will do until he can change later; Lloyd's cloak will do the rest in hiding him. Next Zelos thinks about Lloyd's second question, bites his lip. Violet eyes quickly scan the room. Anything else? No, Zelos is pretty sure there's nothing else, unless--there, still open on the desk, he catches sight of his journal.

Oh, right. That might be useful, actually.

He opens his mouth--

There's a half-baked request for Lloyd to reach for it and hand it over for a split second, but then Zelos remembers what he's written there tonight, all the unvoiced thoughts and frustrations he'd put there, and he abruptly closes his mouth. No, Lloyd shouldn't see that. Cannot see that. At all. So, wordlessly, Zelos makes his way over to the desk and slaps the book closed, then digs it as deep into the bag as he can. He makes sure to grab two of his pens as well.

"Alright, then. That would be all," he says, turning to face Lloyd. He spares him a look before he points over at the window with his free hand. "Let's get this show on the road--help me down, will you?"

[risingfalcon]

Nodding along to Zelos' request, Lloyd walks back over to the window, opening the blinds wide and then popping the window open quietly as to not alert any guards outside the room. Taking just a moment to carefully stick his head out the window and glance around the inner gardens for any stray guards he may have missed, Lloyd makes sure everything is clear before gripping onto the top of the window frame and lifting his legs through the opening and sliding out of the room. The action is so familiar, the thrill of sneaking around and breaking rules and being a general troublemaker sending euphoria through Lloyd's veins, a slight giggle escaping him before he bites down on his tongue. The consequences for breaking the rules this time are much worse than they had been, before, but Lloyd can't find it within himself to linger on them. Things will be fine. They'll get through this, safe and sound.

Once his feet land on the cobblestone path below Zelos' window, Lloyd looks back up at it, gesturing. "Toss down your bag, first," he whispers, catching it as Zelos does, placing it beside his feet before leaning upwards to help Zelos out of the window, keeping a firm grip on the redhead's hand as he does so. Grabbing the bag with his free hand, keeping Zelos' in his other, Lloyd begins to lead him through the garden and back through the side door he had walked in from. From there, it's a puzzle of servent's quarters and avoiding knight paths, hiding behind walls and listening for the steps of knights, for the clanking of armor. Lloyd holds his breath for so long so often he feels like he could be a good contender for becoming a merman, but he never once lets go of Zelos' hand. After a while, he even forgets he's holding it as he drags them to the back entrance of the manor.

Their entire escape sequence does wonders to sober up Lloyd's excitement, suddenly switching to a more aware, analytical state of mind as he safely guides them both to freedom, and soon enough, Lloyd stops in his tracks, finding the hidden trapdoor leading to the secret exit of the manor, the same one Kratos was supposed to take Zelos through should he ever be endangered, the same one that Lloyd had found and explored with Zelos at the ripe age of twelve. The same one that takes them straight through the back gate and close to the same area Lloyd had planted the packs by, the same one that takes them to their goal. They're so close.

"I'll go first," Lloyd whispers to Zelos, leaning a bit closer to avoid talking at a regular volume. "This is the way out. It leads directly past the back gate, remember? There aren't any guards looking out for it because it's still a secret, aside from you, Kratos, and I."

[presidentheartbeat]

Zelos lets Lloyd guide him through the manor, holding his hand and doing his part to stay quiet and well-hidden when it's required. They've done something like this before, back when they were younger and the world was still new and exciting, before responsibilities and reality crashed in and created this rift between them. It's easy to fall into old habits when Lloyd's giddiness is nearly palpable through their joined hands, but Zelos' nerves are the one thing that keeps him serious.

Once they're close by the trapdoor those nerves rise out of the ground and take a hold of his ankles to anchor him to the ground. It feels like the air around them freezes, grabbing a hold of Zelos' throat and drying it to dangerous levels. He swallows hard, keeps his eyes trained on the secret exit. His hand starts to shake. This is it, then. It's the end of the road. Do or die, run or hide.

And Lloyd still has a chance.

They've already made it so far for Zelos to be sure that he would cross this threshold with Lloyd so long as Lloyd didn't regret this, but a part of Zelos still doubts, still wonders if this is the right choice. All those thoughts and fears and worries he's left behind impulsively have caught up to him suddenly, whispering into his ears. This is stupid, they say. He's gonna get Lloyd killed. Thinking that, Zelos abruptly lets go of Lloyd's hand, waiting until he's got the other's attention before doing anything else. Once he's sure Lloyd's looking at him and him alone Zelos slowly takes a single step back, holding Lloyd's gaze, expression breaking just a little to make way for the very real fear that the whispers have stuffed down his throat.

Zelos takes a deep breath. Fighting back against the cacophonous sound of his own mind tearing itself apart, he carefully picks his words. "There's still time, you know," he mumbles privately for Lloyd, voice steady through sheer force of will alone. 'You still have time to leave me behind, Lloyd,' is the hidden message in those words. 'You can still go on your own, save yourself the hassle. You'll still be free. You'll be fine.'

In the silence of the night, surrounded by the darkness, Zelos waits for Lloyd to make a choice.

BAD END 2

[risingfalcon]

BAD END 2: Lloyd realizes the depth of the consequences should he take Zelos, and decides to continue on alone.

okay actual tag time

[risingfalcon]

Irrational panic almost bumps out Lloyd's excitement as Zelos lets go of his hand, stares at him so seriously and nervous that Lloyd has to fight the fear that begins to crawl up his spine. Is he having second thoughts? Does he want to stay, to go sleep and forget this happened at all? Because Lloyd doesn't know how he'd handle it, being this close to freedom, only to be rejected at it's gates.

And then Zelos speaks, and the fear is at once axed off by gentle fondness and a little bit of sadness spawned from the meaning behind Zelos' words. Lloyd knows he should have been there for Zelos, should have tried harder to see him, to talk to him, but - the idea that Zelos thinks Lloyd would want this without him - it's almost laughable. Still, the sadness mingles with the guilt in his heart, so before he can think too hard about it, he opens his mouth to respond.

What feels like ages ago, Lloyd and Zelos had discussed freedom, all big dreams and even bigger confidence. A simple question had been hatched: What would you do if you were truly free from your responsibilities? and all Lloyd could think about was traveling the lands with his best friend at his side. He had said as much aloud back then, and it's with a matured, yet equally cheeky grin that he repeats the sentiment.

"C'mon, Zelos. I wouldn't want to do this without you."