presidentheartbeat | The "Why Can't We Be Friends" roadtrip

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The "Why Can't We Be Friends" roadtrip

The beginning of spring has always brought with it a surge of life to the manor, with the flowing greenery and blooming of flowers in the gardens, the return of any staff members who needed relocating through the winter, the sudden influx of reports from every corner of the land stacked into neat papers for Zelos to organize and go through.

It's all so boring, though. Zelos leans way back on his seat, holding some random documents in his hands, lazily scanning the pages one by one. Blah blah this, blah blah that. Taxes, trade caravans, territory disputes, bandits, yadda yadda, same old bullshit, same old problems--and that's without counting any of the other requests from the peasantry accumulated since the last stack. He frowns, sighs. Bounces his leg. This is nothing new or too difficult, but definitely stuff that will take a huge chunk of the day just going through. So even with the sun at its peak and the day warmer than it's been in months, already that's a beautiful day gone to waste.

Good grief.

...And alas.

Zelos sets down the stack of papers and gets up from his seat, leaving his desk to look out the windows behind him instead. Greenery, blue skies, singing birds; already so much better than last week. Spring is here, and two things always follow the first rays of sunlight over the land. The first is more and more work as he grows older, more responsibilities stacking over on his shoulders as he continues to adjust to the title of "lord of the land". Zelos groans, stretches his arms over his head. Pops his shoulder. Keeping track of who wants what and where is always such a hassle.

He bites the inside of his cheek. Keeping track of anything is always such a hassle. Zelos never even wanted this in the first place, anyway, but things sure change quickly within barely a few years when everyone is in a panic after their previous lady dies.

Whatever.

Zelos reaches over and opens a window, sticking his head outside and looking at the main road, squinting. The breeze feels good. Staring out the window isn't productive, Zelos knows, but it's not like he can be assed to go back to the boring stack of papers on the desk any time soon when there's already something else in his mind. Because the second thing that happens, every time without fail when spring arrives, is the return of most of his younger knights from the academy next town over. And among them, there's always--

Hm, okay. Zelos bites his lower lip, then abruptly gets back inside and closes the window, rounding the desk to walk over to the door. The stack of papers remains discarded and unattended to on the desk. But Zelos is distracted, and there's no way he can get any work done like that, can he? He should do everything in his power to clear his mind. Maybe he could take a walk outside, then, subtly sticking to the front garden to keep an eye out for any carriages and marches. Just in case.

After all, it's spring. Lloyd could be returning any time now.

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Irrational panic almost bumps out Lloyd's excitement as Zelos lets go of his hand, stares at him so seriously and nervous that Lloyd has to fight the fear that begins to crawl up his spine. Is he having second thoughts? Does he want to stay, to go sleep and forget this happened at all? Because Lloyd doesn't know how he'd handle it, being this close to freedom, only to be rejected at it's gates.

And then Zelos speaks, and the fear is at once axed off by gentle fondness and a little bit of sadness spawned from the meaning behind Zelos' words. Lloyd knows he should have been there for Zelos, should have tried harder to see him, to talk to him, but - the idea that Zelos thinks Lloyd would want this without him - it's almost laughable. Still, the sadness mingles with the guilt in his heart, so before he can think too hard about it, he opens his mouth to respond.

What feels like ages ago, Lloyd and Zelos had discussed freedom, all big dreams and even bigger confidence. A simple question had been hatched: What would you do if you were truly free from your responsibilities? and all Lloyd could think about was traveling the lands with his best friend at his side. He had said as much aloud back then, and it's with a matured, yet equally cheeky grin that he repeats the sentiment.

"C'mon, Zelos. I wouldn't want to do this without you."

Edited 2019-09-25 18:41 (UTC)

That's not fair, Lloyd. Echoing a statement from their childhood days like that? That's deliberate, Zelos knows. And he hates how much it works on him, too, how the grin and his words reflect a time of confidence and trust well enough for all the whispers in Zelos' mind to quiet down for a moment, making way for the tell-tale sounds of night passing around them instead.

God... damn it, Lloyd.

Zelos takes a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds. Fine, then. Fine.

Without another word he takes Lloyd's hand in his and nods.

Truthfully, it's all kind of a dream-like blur for Zelos from there on, guided as he is by Lloyd's determined pull. They open the trapdoor and cross the threshold between the manor and the outside world, and somehow the air feels colder and fresher out here than it ever did before. Distracted as he is, Zelos' mind wanders to the scenery around: the moonlight washing down from above in small doses for its current phase, with stars glinting and titillating, the grass crunching delightfully under two pairs of boots. An early spring breeze that gently plays with Zelos' hair, making him shiver.

Protected by the darkness of night they get to finding the supplies Lloyd packed. Zelos digs into his and puts on the cloak for safety, and meanwhile, Lloyd finishes up with last minute checks. As he does so, Lord Wilder takes the time to spare one last look back to the manor's walls. The weight of his own pack and his personal bag, the sight of the building under the spare moonlight, the chill air in his lungs--it paints a picture in Zelos' eyes like straight out of a dream, something surreal in its connection with reality. Because it's... strange, looking at it from the other side again. He hadn't expected to do so ever again since the first time Lloyd left.

Well. This is it, isn't it? It's the beginning of the road ahead, and the end of Lord Wilder and the younger Sir Aurion. They're just Zelos and Lloyd now, once more.

It continues to dawn on Zelos how Lloyd planned this as a trip for two, how this, this is a choice neither can back down from anymore.

Oh, boy.

Zelos only takes his eyes off the manor when Lloyd calls out his name, bringing him back to the moment at hand. The disconnect between his mind and body is still intense, but Lloyd's worry and urgency is a good enough anchor for Zelos not to lose himself in it. Instinctively, then, Zelos offers him a cocky smile and takes his hand. "Let's get going," he says. Maybe his voice feels distant, but at least it's steady.

And hand in hand they run off to the south.

Passing the manor gates and finally escaping the stone walls that Lloyd called home for the past fifteen, going on sixteen years of his life feels so final. He barely looks back when as they leave, just double-checking his pack and giving Zelos a chance to prepare himself, glancing at the redhead with some concern as he spaces out. This is - a lot, Lloyd is aware, to suddenly drop everything you knew at the request of someone you barely know anymore, and Lloyd can't help but worry that maybe he's forcing Zelos into a decision that he truly doesn't want to make.

But then again, Zelos held his hand, too.

Making a silent note to check with Zelos when they finally rest, Lloyd grabs the map and a compass and shoves on his own cloak. Pack checked over and ready, Lloyd softly calls out Zelos' name and smiles at him when he takes his hand, excited to find their way to freedom. As a general rule, Lloyd decides to stick to backroads and merchant's paths, trying to avoid being seen by any passers-by and lower the chance of creating a trail. Every time a guard or knight walks by, Lloyd derails, walking through the forest and merging back onto the path after a few minutes of quiet, careful observation.

Soon enough, they lose sight of any towns and villages, the cobblestone paths turning into dirt roads paved by the footsteps of travelers before them. With the map, compass, and the direction of signs placed by and for wanderers, they end up making quite a bit of distance before sunrise, but they both decide it for the best to continue on, keep up the pace so they have less of a chance of being caught. For the most part, it's rather silent - Lloyd is focused on leading them in the right direction and being on the lookout for anything dangerous, even though he knows realistically that they have a few hours before anybody realizes Zelos is gone, and that it will be several days before they let the information go to the public in order to drum up more eyes. Zelos, for his part, seems lost in thought, holding onto Lloyd's hand with a tight grip yet otherwise staring into the distance, following mindlessly.

As the morning passes on, Lloyd begins to feel weary, even exhausted. The adrenaline from the moment of the escape has long since left him, and without it, he's left with the results of scattered sleep from the past week til now, the soreness in his muscles a consequence for not sleeping a day after knight training at the manor. Though he snacks on some fruit he had packed before leaving - handing Zelos a decent portion too, of course - his energy reserves are low, and soon enough, with a growing headache, through the bright sun shining down on them and the way his legs begin to shake, he begins to see black spots dancing in his eyes. Lloyd stops abruptly, weakly raising a hand to his forehead.

"Zelos, I can't keep -" he mumbles, vision blacking out, leaving him stumbling. Lloyd snaps back to attention for a few seconds enough to right himself, but he's shaky on balance, lightly swaying. Overexertion, seems like, can really take a man out of it. "Gotta stop for now."

The trip is mindless, going by while Zelos attempts to recollect himself. Mindless, yet hasty--their snack breaks are short, there's very little rest, they barely even talk. Trying to get as far away from the manor as possible, Zelos guesses. So despite the dissociation clinging to his head Zelos attempts to help anyway he can until they finally hit an uninhabited land with a dirt road leading to god knows where.

And now he really can't keep his mind from wandering again.

With the sun beating down on them Zelos absently calculates the time; might be close to noon, now, around the time when he usually wakes up. The knights would have been up and about for a long while by now, which means that Kratos must've already noticed his son's absence. How are they handling that, he wonders. Did anyone other than him even care? Rocky as their relationship may have been, Kratos wouldn't have let something like his replacement going missing go. Zelos imagines, for a moment, what it would've been like if he'd awakened today only to see the knights in disarray, if he'd greeted the day to news of Lloyd being missing. How would Kratos have looked?

But he's not in the Wilder manor right now, is he? He's out here on the roads on a trip to some border town in the south, being--

Lloyd lets go of his hand.

It happens in the blink of an eye. One moment Lloyd is saying something Zelos doesn't quite catch under the murkiness of his subdued conscious, and then the next thing Zelos sees is a blur of brown and red falling to the ground in front of him, down into the--

snow, right after the blade is dragged out of his mother's back, leaving behind a trail of red that stains the white flakes. It's so cold. So cold, so cold, so cold, so cold. Slowly, Mylene drops into the ground. The blood on her back is staining her coat. Someone's shouting something in the distance, but there's movement to his left. It's so cold. Movement again, and when he turns to look he catches the glint of a blade, a blade stained with his mother's blood--

--dirt below. Like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water Zelos comes back to himself with a loud gasp, the world suddenly crystal clear around him, painfully so, every single sound and sensation and colour brilliant and crisp as he drops down on his knees next to Lloyd. His heart is pounding, his head is spinning. "No no no, no, come on, Lloyd," he mumbles, voice foreign to his own ears, blood pumping, hands shaking as he pushes Lloyd onto his back. "Come on, Lloyd, stay with me, come on. Come on, come on-- W-What the fuck, Lloyd! Stay with me!"

Lloyd is so goddamn heavy, but eventually he's finally on his back. Zelos swallows down his heart. Oh no, oh no, oh no, this isn't happening. Oh god. The first thing that strikes Zelos is how pale Lloyd is. Mind racing a mile a minute, the second thing Zelos notices is that there's no blood anywhere on him. That's a genuine relief, but--how embarrassing, come on. Without really thinking about it Zelos presses his ear to Lloyd's chest, checking for a steady heartbeat, and right away a ray of clarity hits his mind. Logically speaking, a small part of Zelos' subconscious says, Lloyd is just fine. He's passed out. He's probably just exhausted, but--well, that still doesn't stop Zelos from freaking out. The way he fell, it was just like--

He shuts his eyes tight and listens for Lloyd's heart. Ba-dump, ba-dump, he catches a sound. Relieved, Zelos releases all the air in his lungs in a laugh. It's still there. Lloyd is alive.

Lloyd is alive.

Zelos stays pressed to the other's chest for a little while, blinking back old memories while trying to put himself together again.

Edited 2019-09-25 23:25 (UTC)

Rousing from his sleep, Lloyd blinks against an uncomfortable amount of throbbing pressure that settles itself in his skull, unpleasant and generally awful as he opens his eyes to a sunny, mid-day sky. His shoulders and spine ache, too, tense and sore, so he slowly rolls his shoulder-blades, massaging at his neck, and takes in where he is. Lloyd, in his drowsy and tired mind, takes a moment to glance around, eyes narrowing as he tries to register his location, and then catching on brilliant red hair, just off to his left.

And suddenly, he's wide awake again. Zelos leans against the tree next to Lloyd, their packs wrapped to his wrists by their straps, his eyes barely open as he tries to fight off his own obvious exhaustion. He must have kept watch, Lloyd realizes, shame and guilt finding their way onto his face in a frown. And - where Lloyd is now, that is not where he had been when he fainted, so Zelos had to have carried him over, not to mention how stressful it is to see someone just drop like that. So Lloyd passed out and left Zelos alone to deal with everything, huh? How responsible, Irving.

Still though, there is an undoubtable level of gratefulness surrounding it all, much like a warm hug on a cold day. Not only has Zelos agreed to give up his life as he knew it just to follow Lloyd on a dangerous escape from their stifling positions in life, but here he is, trying his best to keep alert when even his own exhaustion is creeping upon him, just to give Lloyd a chance to recover. Zelos still cares, Lloyd knows for sure now, even though Lloyd had barely been there for him for the past few years, even though they're basically strangers in all but shared experiences. Lloyd doesn't know what he did to deserve someone as wonderful as Zelos by his side through all of this bullshit, but he's glad he did at least one thing right in his life.

Twisting to reach out, softly gripping at Zelos' shoulder, Lloyd shakes him just the slightest amount. Dealing with a half-asleep Zelos reminds him just a little of when they were kids, the first and last time he spent the whole night in Zelos' room. Even though the memory is clouded in worry and anxiety, Lloyd can remember waking up holding the redhead close, and the long process of trying to wake the grump up bright and early for once. Without fighting the small smile that spreads on his face, Lloyd gently calls out to Zelos

"Hey, Zelos. I'm awake, I'll take over from here. Get comfortable, alright? You have to rest up too."

Keeping watch after moving Lloyd is the perfect way to unwind after that scare, and just as he's settled down Zelos feels his whole body melt against the tree.

Whatever adrenaline grabbed a hold of him to carry Lloyd away from the main road is absolutely gone for good now. It's uncomfortable; Zelos hasn't slept, and carrying Lloyd around after he dropped like that took a lot more of his strength than he'd thought it would need, so exhaustion crawls up his spine and brings with it an aching drowsiness. At least he's feeling a lot more... present, though, his memories locked away for now.

The breeze feels so good, the shade surrounding them cooling down the afternoon heat just right. This is a damn perfect nap spot, for sure. Lloyd's a lucky bastard.

Zelos grumbles and fights the urge to join him and fall asleep right here. God damn it, Lloyd's depending on him. Zelos needs to keep watch. He spares a glance at the ex-knight, and--well, he sure sleeps like a log. That's fine, though. Let him rest. Zelos resists the urge to check his pulse and looks up at the foliage, watching the sun as it travels in the sky. Leaves rustle with the wind, birds sing. Even with so much to distract himself with it only takes a few minutes before Zelos starts worrying about when Lloyd will wake up, about how much longer and further they should travel for whatever search party that gets sent after them to miss them entirely on their first sweep, and--

He jumps a little when Lloyd grips his shoulder, thoughts completely cut in half.

Main difference between their travel time earlier and now? Despite his exhaustion, Zelos is completely, fully aware, absolutely focused on what Lloyd says. He chews on his lower lip. The lord is tired, both mentally and physically, and just thinking about getting up right now is multiplying that tenfold. There's an urgency in Zelos' gut that begs him to get up and get moving, to put as much distance between the two of them and the manor as possible, but Zelos is aware that trying to wave aside the offer to rest right now would be stupid as all hell anyway.

Nothing else to do but to comply. Like, he could risk it, sure, but then he's risking Lloyd.

Alright, then. Fine. Zelos drops Lloyd's gaze as he hums in acknowledgement, sliding down a little to get more comfortable against the tree. Well, as comfortable as it gets, really. He's still stubbornly holding onto their belongings, though; he may be tired, sure, but he sure as hell is not useless. "Ten minutes," Zelos mumbles, eyes drooping closed. "Start countin'."

Edited 2019-09-26 06:03 (UTC)

It goes without saying that Lloyd lets Zelos sleep for a lot longer than ten minutes. Ignoring the fact that it would be unfair to wake Zelos up after so little rest when Lloyd slept for at least a good two hours, judging by the sun's placement in the sky, Lloyd knows that if they both want to make more distance before nightfall, they need to actively get back some of the energy they've burned. So he lets Zelos sleep, instead sneaking a hand into his pack and pulling out some more food rations to quell his hunger and hopefully help with the slight headache he's nursing. Lloyd would light a campfire, but it wouldn't make sense to if they plan on leaving, and might just drag more attention to them where it isn't needed.

The only problem with keeping watch while Zelos sleeps and without anything else to do other than keep alert and observe the nature around them, Lloyd soon finds, is that without anything to actively keep him busy, he's left alone with his thoughts to keep him company. His swords lie in their sheaths, and for a moment, he's tempted to train, but straining his body further would be a terrible idea. So he sits, waiting, thinking, and snacking until he's no longer as hungry as he was.

Unfortunately, for all the things he could be thinking about, his mind seems deadset on focusing on Kratos, on their last argument and all the what-ifs that spawn from just thinking about his father. By now, his absence is sure to have been noted, and Zelos' too, probably. Bitterly, Lloyd wonders about what Kratos thinks, if he told his command to look for his awful son and bring his head for the chopping block. Or maybe he stuck to protocol, told them that Lloyd had probably kidnapped Zelos and needed to be brought before the king. Maybe Kratos looked ashamed, name once again tarnished by an Irving he hated to acknowledge.

"If you did, you would be a good son!"

Well, there goes that hope huh, dear father?

After around an hour and a half, Lloyd gently wakes Zelos with another smile and helps him up, both of them rested enough to continue their journey. Packs ready and weapons equipped, Lloyd gets back to guiding them, first getting them back on the main merchant's path they had been traveling and then sticking to the backroads, walking and walking and walking as the sun falls lower and lower in the sky, keeping an eye on their direction and following the route planned. Dirk had told him in a letter that the best time to travel to Iselia was during the fall, when the southern heat cools off to the coming of winter, and if everything works out, they'll both be able to avoid the worst of the heat traveling through the north in the summer months. Lloyd only prays that they get to shelter in Iselia before winter comes, knowing that the last thing he'd want to do is make Zelos travel through the snow.

He remembers, again, the way Zelos had paced and paced and paced. Remembers the cold and distant condolences offered during Mylene's funeral, how everyone was sorry for Zelos' loss but not for what Zelos would lose, words empty and shallow. He remembers pulling Zelos in for a hug and holding him tight, hoping that the young lord would get that if anything, Lloyd would understand.

When the sun slips behind the horizon, Lloyd leads them off the main path and into a small forest clearing, something private and unlikely to be bothered. "We should rest for the night," Lloyd says, already placing his pack down by a tree off to the side. He slides the map and compass in, pulling out instead a flintrock and a dagger, shoving them in his pockets. "We both need proper rest, even if the catnaps did help."

And its true. The catnaps got them through the rest of the day's travels, but they're both exhausted again and that much is obvious. They need to sleep and they need to eat proper food at some point, and this could be the best place for that to happen as of right now. So, with that said, Lloyd leaves Zelos with the direction to watch their stuff as he quickly grabs firewood from around the area, coming back with an armful of it and placing it down on the ground in the center of the clearing.

"Ever learn how to start a fire?" Lloyd asks with a grin as he adjusts the placement of the wood, grabbing some dry grass from nearby and using it as tinder. Then, placing the head of the flintrock against the tinder, he takes the dagger and quickly scrapes it against the mineral, once, twice, and -

"There we go!" He exclaims as the sparks catch, the tinder coming alight. Lloyd guides the small flame into the mass of tinder, watching as it grows and begins eating at the firewood, sitting back on his hands when it does. The warmth from the fire begins to spread through the cool spring night, and Lloyd finds himself closing his eyes and enjoying it before long.

After a few minutes of silence, Lloyd focuses his attention over to Zelos. With the way the fire crackles and the crickets chirp, the trees swaying in the breeze, it's almost hard to remember that Lloyd is technically now running for his life, that they're both desperately chasing true freedom. And he wants to say something, anything, to keep the peace going, but he can't quite think of what. For as long as they've known each other, for as effortlessly talking to Zelos used to be, they don't know each other that well anymore. Lloyd hopes that eventually, they'll be able to bridge that gap once again.

For now, though, he figures he should tell Zelos the plan.

"Zelos, how familiar are you with the town of Iselia?"

Lloyd's really trying to lighten the mood around them when he gets the fire started, and as much as Zelos appreciates that, he finds that he actually can't focus on it too much. Once the fire's going Zelos stays where he's sitting across from the ex-knight, holding himself for warmth as night crawls in, back to thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking.

It's not completely silent. The crackling of the fire and the chirping of crickets fill the area, but the two of them remain quiet otherwise, so a sense of unease begins spreading through their campsite, accompanied by the tension of the unknown. It's awkward, and Zelos can't bring himself to look at Lloyd. In the calm silence of the night, out here with his failures and regrets staring at him from the flames, it's too easy for Zelos' thoughts to wander back to the manor once more.

What's Kratos doing, Zelos wonders. They've definitely been found out by now, the lord is sure. He must already have pieced together what happened, or at least someone else must've jumped to the conclusion that Lord Wilder got kidnapped by Aurion's rowdy child. So, the questions are: how long until someone comes looking? Where will they look first? The distance should've given them some advantage for now, sure, but that still--

Lloyd asks him a question.

Iselia, Iselia. Yeah, he's heard that name before--why wouldn't he? He's the lord. With the name ringing in his ears Zelos swallows down his unease, ripping his heavy gaze from the flames to meet Lloyd's, then looking away again, curling into himself. Things are awkward, sure, but fuck if Zelos isn't grateful for a distraction from and an answer to his own thoughts anyway.

"It's a sleepy, boring, tiny border town," Zelos supplies. "They have the unfortunate luck of being quite far from my immediate power to get anything quick, plus travel has difficult lately, so they've learned to be pretty self-sustainable as a result. I still try to help, though. But not a whole lot happens there." Something slowly dawns on Zelos as he speaks, a bright spot of clarity in his mind that leads him to pause then, frowning. A pair of questioning, violet eyes raise to meet Lloyd's again, some stray red hairs cascading down Zelos' face as he tilts his head. "Is that your destination? Iselia, of all places?"

Edited 2019-09-28 16:52 (UTC)

Looks like Zelos is sharp as ever. Lloyd smiles a little as Zelos describes what he knows about Iselia, watching as the realization washes over him through the explanation. The good news is that the redhead doesn't look irritated by the idea of heading to Iselia, but Lloyd knows Zelos well enough to know that he's more than likely got several worries and issues already lined up against the prospect.

"A small, sleepy border town far away from any immediate rule sounds like a grand place to start a new life, don't you think?" Lloyd asks, leaning forward a little, hands in his lap. The fire is warm and cozy, reminds him of the few fun expeditions he had during his time in the academy, and it helps melt the ice in the conversation. "There's a man who lives there - a blacksmith named Dirk - who's offered to help us settle down as long as we can make it over. He used to be a close friend of my mother's."

The truth is, Dirk had originally only offered to help Lloyd. But even months ago, when they first began exchanging letters, Lloyd had already decided that he would attempt this with Zelos at his side. It took a few more letters to convince Dirk that taking a lord away from their position would be possible without immediate casualty, but Dirk eventually agreed to help them both - under the condition that Lloyd and Zelos get there on their own, first.

Lloyd bites at his lip, gives Zelos a few moments to process the plan as it stands, and then opens his mouth. For all of Lloyd's certainty in this plan, for all the preparation and care he's taken in making this work, he wants Zelos' input, wants Zelos to know that he can choose to do whatever he'd like so long it makes him happy. After all, this is about freedom; even though Lloyd wants nothing more than to be able to be close with Zelos like they used to be, he didn't break Zelos out of a life in chains to chain them both together instead.

"So, what're your thoughts on this?"

Well, Lloyd having at least an idea of plan is better than Lloyd having nothing at all, but there's still a few things missing from what he's just said. So, grabbing the reigns that Lloyd's just passed him, Zelos sits up straighter, takes a deep breath, and gets to work in refining that.

"Considering who it is that you're carting around," he says, gesturing at himself with one hand, "you're going to have to get creative on which cities and towns you can enter and which you must absolutely avoid. Not to mention stray bandits, Kratos' search party, and anyone who could recognize me outside of them--hell, even knights and guards sent to protect vulnerable towns themselves will be a problem."

There's still more to it, of course, something more sinister brewing under the surface of all the civil unrest of Zelos' lands. All the anxious energy in his nerves escapes him in a bouncing leg, one hand coming to rest under his chin as he glares at the fire, trying to put all his worries and thoughts into words. The fire crackles again, embers rising to the skies. The lord clicks his tongue. What Lloyd is asking here, and the way he's going about it... to make a journey on foot across the entire land... surely he must've accounted for all the problems going around, right? What about the food scarcity near the border towns? All the knights back at the manor would've heard; that's exactly what the majority get tasked with helping with.

Zelos runs a hand through his hair, left leg bouncing again after he's crossed it over his right. He's getting fidgety already. This really is a mess. "And Iselia is really far away, Lloyd," Zelos adds after a small pause. "Do you have a route planned? Like, it's already a long journey if you're doing it by foot, let alone zig-zagging around. Do you have an ETA in mind or are you just gonna wing it?"

Edited 2019-09-28 20:34 (UTC)

Sitting with his back straight and his attention directly on Zelos, Lloyd lets the redhead address his concerns, worries, and any questions he might have. It's best if they get all of this out of the way, anyways, so that there's no miscommunication when they're already a decent way on their trail. In the case that Zelos is incredibly against going to Iselia for any reason, maybe they can take this moment to plan around that, consider another option. Not that Lloyd has any, of course, but.

They'll deal with it should they need to.

"I've already marked which towns should be safe to go into," Lloyd says, standing, grabbing his pack, and shuffling stuff around to get the map again. He passes it to Zelos when he has it, letting him see their route for himself. The main route has been marked with blue ink, with detours and subroutes marked with red should need be, but he doesn't foresee too many issues popping up. "Almost all of them are towns with low guard presence, mostly in boring towns with more agriculture-based economy rather than market or political presence. And in that vein, we'll mostly be taking mercenary roads and paths, keeping away from any main roads. As long as we can defend ourselves from any possible bandits, we'll be fine."

Lloyd sits back down across from Zelos, lets him process everything at his own speed, yet keeping a semi-anxious eye on him. Lloyd's planned for this, spent hours thinking everything through, but if Zelos wants nothing to do with it, he's not going to force him into a journey he doesn't want. They'll find somewhere else, somewhere he'd agree with. "If we decide to go through with Iselia we should be there before winter," Lloyd answers. "There's... I'm sure you've heard about the unrest across the land. The royal guards and knights are already preoccupied with handling that - right now, there's a shortage in knights to handle more local issues. And I know my father," Lloyd scoffs, picking a rock off the ground and tossing it between his hands, "he'll try to keep this a secret for a while as to not incite panic. I give it at least two weeks before he starts spreading the world about your disappearance. We'll be able to make a lot of distance between us and the capital by then, and since news travels slowly, I'd say it'll take a long while before any of these villages learn the truth."

Dropping the rock back down onto the ground, Lloyd runs a hand through his fringe. "Should we need to, we can pass ourselves off as traveling mercenaries. But as it stands, we're going to mostly avoid traveling through villages unless we need to restock or the weather is unpermitting of further travel. I doubt we'll really need to."

Once again, having some semblance of a plan is better than no plan, and at least Lloyd here looks and sounds like he's done his homework. The crackling of the fire accompanies the knight's voice as Zelos looks at the map, following each of the routes highlighted with his eyes, contextually guessing the meaning of each detour from what he knows as lord of the land. This... definitely looks like a six month journey, at most. Getting to Iselia by winter isn't very attractive to Zelos, but, well, beggars can't be choosers, right?

Beyond that, Lloyd is right in all his assumptions. It is best to stick to agricultural towns, to avoid all cities and main roads, and try to defend themselves from any conflict on their own. The secrecy and lack of communication for protocol back at home should save them the time they need to perfect this. Looking at it like this, from an outsider's point of view, then everything really is perfectly aligned for Lloyd's escape down south. Iselia really is the best choice.

It's too late to back down. So then right now, Zelos has no choice but to follow Lloyd's plans.

So be it, then.

"Well, if we're going to hit some towns every now and then, then it's good thing you grabbed my money bag, huh?" Zelos says casually, folding the map back up and handing it over to Lloyd again. He keeps a smirk on his face, something easy he uses all the time to hide his anxieties, and shrugs. "Guess I'll follow. You have a good plan, at least. The rest we'll figure out as we go along, right?"

Edited 2019-09-29 20:05 (UTC)

Nodding along to what Zelos has to say, he packs the map back up and glances over at his companion, offering a grin and an excited, "right!"

Leaning back on his hands, lifting his head to stare up at the stars that glint across the sky, clear and plentiful as they are, Lloyd takes a deep breath. It's their first real night on their journey, the first time of many in which they'll sit in front of a fire like this and just deal with the fact that they're no longer confined to the titles they were raised for. It makes hope swell in Lloyd's heart: maybe Zelos and him aren't quite friends again yet, and maybe Zelos isn't entirely sure of what they're doing, but Lloyd knows they can work at it and be like they used to again. And it's with that thought that he brings his gaze back down to Zelos, determined to find some common talking point between them again.

He just needs a minute to think about it.

Lloyd falls silent, taking with him the one distraction keeping everything in Zelos' mind at bay right now. Without even noticing he's doing it Zelos glares at the fire between them both, curling into his own cloak for warmth and for the lack of anything else to do, a groan caught in his throat. Honestly, Zelos has had enough of all these silences, even more so of the overthinking that comes within them. This is his path now and he has to deal with it whether he likes it or not.

Actually, fuck dealing with it any longer.

"Wellp. A cat nap is great and all, but I need my beauty sleep if I'm gonna have any energy for this roadtrip of yours," Zelos says just as Lloyd lowers his gaze again, the timing perfect as he stretches his arms above his head and rises to a stand, "so I'm gonna hit the sack now." There's tone to his words that he hopes reads as final, but-- "You should, too," Zelos adds last minute, lazily gesturing with one hand at the knight. That said, he yawns out loud for extra effect and to drown out anything Lloyd may say, then quickly directs himself to his own pack in search of a bedroll to waste the night away in.

He's hoping that sleep comes quick enough to drive away the last remaining bits of his regrets and worries, but when has Zelos ever been lucky enough to have life go the way he wants it? Most likely he will lie away for hours while watching the sky and listening to the sound of fire mixing with nature's own, wondering why he's here and if any of this is okay or not.

Edited 2019-09-29 23:59 (UTC)

Biting his tongue in surprise as Zelos stands and declares his goodnight, Lloyd pushes back whatever it was he was going to say and instead decides to nod. "Yeah. Yeah, you get to sleep," he says, grabbing his own pack, "we should rest up. Long day ahead of us."

Lloyd pulls out the bedroll, standing and placing it down on the ground a few feet away from the fire, straightening it out before taking off his tunic and slipping into the sleeping back, pulling the cover-up to his but neglecting to zip up the side, should he have to get up in a hurry. It's all familiar, all instinct, at this point. In the academy, there were days where they'd go on travel exercises, be forced to figure out how to live outside of comfort while the instructors watched. Lloyd always excelled at those before all else.

All ready for bed, Lloyd stares back up at the sky, blinking slowly against the starry night. He's not sleepy even though exhaustion rings heavy in his bones, though he's sore all over. He's not even sure he's capable of sleeping as it stands, not with how his mind races, equal parts excited and scared and hopeful and stressed. This journey means a new life, means freedom, means second chances, and all Lloyd can think about is how it could go wrong - how he might've already done wrong, and how no matter what, he refuses to let this burn up in flames.

"Goodnight," Lloyd says aloud, closing his eyes and willing sleep to come to him, even though he knows it won't come easy.

-

The next day is rather quiet, walking without much talk and with much caution. It's very similar to the first day of their travels, actually, with Lloyd walking about a foot or two ahead of Zelos as they continue making distance between themselves and the manor. Zelos follows along, of course, and he seems just as alert as Lloyd is after they manage to find some breakfast in the form of a rabbit that Lloyd slaughters as mercifully as possible. It's obvious that the redhead is thinking hard about something, however, and no matter how badly Lloyd wants to ask about it, he keeps his mouth shut, knowing it better to give Zelos space until they get closer.

So he keeps leading them, keeps following his map and compass and any passing signs, focusing on being an accurate navigator rather than attempting to strike up a conversation that would go nowhere. At some point, Lloyd looks back to check on the redhead behind him, catching him deep in thought, sharp eyes focused on the road in front. The sunlight coming from the dimming sunset reflects bright against his hair, and Lloyd is stricken with just how eye-catching Zelos is, in the most literal sense. It occurs to him here that Zelos can be easily described, easily spotted, and easily identified. There's not too much he can do about that, but...

Sunset fades into twilight, which turns into night. They set up camp again, and once again end up lapsing into silence, Zelos deciding to try and sleep as soon as they're able. Once again left alone, hoping for sleep, Lloyd attempts to come up with ways to easily disguise Zelos past a cloak, or even find any ways to throw off the description of him that's bound to come from the capital. Nothing much comes to mind. In fact, nothing comes to mind until the following morning, when his dagger glints in his eyes as he relights the fire to cook breakfast on.

After they eat, and before Zelos packs up his things, Lloyd approaches him. What he means to ask is both sudden and unusual, so Lloyd's at a bit of a loss on how to ask it, but he figures some context would do them well, first. "Zelos," he calls out, grabbing the man's attention, before taking a deep breath. "Okay, well. I've been thinking. We're not too far out from the next town on our map, and we'll need to restock on a few things - chances are, we'll hit that town today. And, while I don't think we have to worry about people recognizing you just yet, it's never bad to be safe over sorry. You're... Describable. You have unique features, things people can catch easy and remember. Should someone see you, chances are, they'd be able to remember what you looked like."

The same can't really be said for Lloyd. While his red eyes are deeply unusual and tend to gain him some sideways looks, he's rather normal looking. Brown, almost red short hair and dark skin are nothing new around these parts. Zelos is all pale skin, bright ruby hair, and lilac eyes. He stands out like a sore thumb, and while that may have worked out for him before, it does nothing for keeping a low profile. The most either of them can do about this is toss off any possible description even just a little.

"Knights give off information for potential captures and rescues beginning with a physical description. If they said they were looking for someone with long red hair, and somebody saw you with, say, short hair, then it would cause just enough confusion for someone to pass you off as someone different." Lloyd pauses, lets Zelos take in what he's trying to get across, and picks up the sheathed dagger he has yet to put away. He feels bad asking what he's about to ask, knowing that Zelos won't exactly be happy about it, knowing that he takes some comfort from playing with it and being able to use it as a sort of distraction.

"I think, because of that, that it might be wise to cut your hair. But this is entirely your decision. If not, we can just find a way to hide it otherwise."

All this goddamn silence is gonna drive Zelos to an early grave, is what he's thinking when Loyd finally approaches him and starts talking during lunch time. At first he offers the knight a polite, sweet smile, trying to see where this conversation will go, which then turns into raised eyebrows and a smirk when Lloyd starts mentioning his features, which then turns into a frown and a pout when he gets exactly the point Lloyd wants to make, which then turns into wide eyes when Lloyd gets the dagger out.

Oh, holy shit.

"I." Hm, nope. Try again. He swallows hard. Zelos isn't stupid; he knows that cutting his hair would probably save them more time and troubles than if he did nothing with it, but. Short hair? Him? Holy hell, Zelos hasn't touched his hair since he was a child. "Well, damn. Okay, I-- Do-- You actually have experience with cutting hair, don't you?" he laughs, high pitched and perhaps a little manic as he levels Lloyd with a pleading look behind his grin. "Please tell me you do."

Yeah, that suggestion went down about as smoothly as Lloyd expected it to. He rubs at the back of his neck with his free hand as Zelos attempts to absorb the concept of Lloyd cutting his hair, sympathetic and patient. Aaaaaand even though he does have experience cutting hair, saying I cut my own hair may not have much of a better response. He can't even lie and say he's cut someone else's hair, be it a friend or anyone - Zelos would be able to see straight through that lie, knowing Lloyd as well as he does.

"I'll be careful," Lloyd says instead, dropping his hand, slapping it on his thigh to try and relieve some of his own nervousness. "If I take it slow it'll be fine. I'm not gonna try to do any outrageous styling or anything, this is just to take off some of the length."

To be honest, Lloyd can barely remember what Zelos looked like with short hair. When they had first met, both as young children, the redhead's hair barely reached past the nape of his neck, but the mental image is fuzzy, as though it had happened an eternity ago. It's hard to imagine days before the academy, days where he could do things like skip training and running through the gardens, bumping into a superior, and being entirely impolite without major punishment.

Then again, that's nothing compared to what he's done in the past three days.

"If you don't want to go through with it, we don't have to," Lloyd reminds Zelos, leaving the decision entirely up to him.

He'll be careful?? Oh god, Lloyd has no experience cutting hair. Zelos should've expected that, and yet. Aaah, this is a disaster just waiting to happen! But-- ah, well, Zelos does need to pass unnoticed through the town, and--

Argh, fuck it. He's already come this far, anyway. What's a haircut gonna do other than make him look awful?

Oh, boy. Before he can even think about it anymore, Zelos accepts his fate and huffs, taking the cloak off and letting it fall to the ground, then fixing up his hair behind his back. He moves over to sit on a rock near their campsite, his back to Lloyd. "We gain more if we go through with it," he tries to reason with the knight, with himself. Zelos shrugs. "Besides-- me? Travel in the summer heat with this much hair?" he scoffs. "Yeah, right."

Genuinely a little surprised that Zelos is willing enough to go through this, Lloyd begins digging back into his pack a few feet away as Zelos situates himself on the rock, grabbing a ball of twine he had packed away just in case and using the dagger to cut a few strands of it. For all of his lack of experience in cutting hair that isn't his own, he's not dumb enough to try and cut all of Zelos' hair at once. This is gonna take time if he wants this to look good at all.

Moving to stand behind Zelos, Lloyd puts the dagger down. "I dunno how you live with hair this long, anyways," Lloyd says as he begins running his fingers through Zelos' hair, dividing it into sections and tying it back with the strips of twine. Even through three days of traveling, it still feels silky between Lloyd's calloused hands. He tries not to let the urge to play with it distract him, knowing that it'd be unacceptable, even if he used to happily play with Zelos' hair without a second thought. "Just seems like it'd get in the way."

With Zelos' hair sectioned off as evenly as Lloyd could possibly get it, he picks up the dagger again. The problem is, Zelos is still understandably nervous, and for all that Lloyd can't think of what to say, there is no part of him that wants to cut Zelos' hair in silence, not while the man can focus on it. So, placing the dagger to the first section of hair, just beneath the twine...

"At least you'll probably shed less like a dog without as much hair," Lloyd jokes, carefully putting pressure on Zelos' hair with the sharp edge of the dagger.

Zelos isn't surprised at how foreign the sensation of having someone else run their fingers through his hair is already, biting his lower lip and just letting Lloyd do whatever he must to prepare for the haircut. "Get in the way? Long hair is gorgeous if you know how to care for it," Zelos says, swallowing down his nerves and clinging to jokes to cope.

And then-- ohhh, Zelos shivers when he feels the dagger cut at his hair, though at least Lloyd's still talking, giving him an out. He stays focused on anything but the sensation, tries to keep his mind busy elsewhere, laughing breathlessly at what the other just said, because-- "Are you calling me a bitch?"

Barking out a bit of a surprised laugh, Lloyd keeps his hands steady as he pulls the knife through Zelos' hair, trying to be as gentle and even as possible. The immediate response on his tongue - though something he would have said back when they were best friends, thick as thieves, a joking "well, if the shoe fits" - is way too rude to respond with, so he bites it back, shaking his head though Zelos can't see it. "I didn't call you anything," Lloyd says, pulling the dagger through the rest of the section of hair, watching as it frays out without any weight to hold it down. "You're just putting words in my mouth!"

One section done, he drops the hair that's gathered in his hand to the ground and grabs the next section, readying the dagger again. "Besides, you act way more like a cat, that much is obvious."

It takes Lloyd grabbing the next section of his hair, along for the sensation of the unburdened weightlessness of shorter hair for Zelos to pause a second and come to his senses. It's... a little startling how easily they've settled into some sort of banter. Now just as nervous as he is giddy, Zelos starts bouncing his leg as he starts doing the mental gymnastics needed to socialize--analyzing Lloyd's words, mannerisms, the way he's led the conversation. Nevermind that he didn't use to have to do this with Lloyd before, but. Whatever.

For now, Zelos settles for something noncommittal. "All the grace and poise of a cat are fitting, yes. Thanks for noticing!"

Every time Lloyd cuts another section of hair, Zelos exhales slowly. Well... this isn't so bad, sensation wise. It's fine, really. The only thing that's worrying him is how it'll all look in the end, but, well, they don't really have any way to check that until they get to town. He'll just have to wait it out.

It's with a snort that Lloyd slowly cuts the next few strands of hair, focus mostly concentrated on trying to keep the cut even to the previous one and succeeding, for the most part. The ends may be a little choppy, but it's not like he's done this before, exactly, and a dagger and some twine are hardly real replacements for proper scissors and training. Oh well.

"All the grace and poise of an alley cat, maybe," Lloyd snarks, though the grin he wears betrays his playfulness. "You would've been friends with Oliver."

And then he pauses for a second, realizing that through his letters, he never really found much of a chance to tell Zelos about his only friend while at the Academy. Oliver was a rough little runt of a cat, one that loved to hang around his empty little dormroom, all torn ears and matted fur. "He was a cat that you could say I adopted when I was still at the Academy. It took me weeks to get him to get close to me, even though I could tell he was curious with how he hung around my dorm window all the time. I bribed him to come near with food scraps," Lloyd explains, huffing a little laugh in remembrance, voice softened with fondness. "Once he got fed, though, it was over. I left my window open and he would just decide to make himself comfortable on my pillow. There were so many mornings where I'd wake up for rollcall and find myself with a mouth full of cat fur. And he always hung out with me when I was in my room in my free time, just keeping me company."

He wonders where Oliver is now. If the next knight-in-training placed in Lloyd's former dorm will treat Oliver with kindness and accept him into the room. After all, Lloyd owes a lot to the feisty cat - without, at least, his friendship, Lloyd doubts he would've kept his sanity.

"You know what, though," Lloyd pulls himself back to reality, finishing up with yet another section of hair, repeating the process once again, and edging the playfulness back into his voice. "I don't think he would have responded as well to you, actually. I heard divas don't do well with other divas."

Lloyd goes into his little story, and while entertaining, it only serves to quiet Zelos for a while as he speaks. Because Lloyd... never mentioned a cat. In all of his letters and what little chats they could have when he came back from the Academy, the subject of a cat named Oliver never came up. And just like that it occurs to Zelos that despite the familiarity and comfort of their current banter, despite their shared history and past openness, nowadays they hold many secrets neither dares to share.

It leaves a sour taste in his mouth. He swallows it down when Lloyd starts joking again though, trying to hide it, and forces a chuckle and some levity into his own tone before he responds. "Yeah, I don't think it could've resisted for too long," he says, opting for the easiest way out. "All cats can be bribed with food. You did it yourself, anyway! You should know!"

Restless energy settles in his chest, and the inability to fidget with anything lest he ruin his own haircut starts to grate against his nerves. This sucks. Zelos really wants Lloyd to finish up soon.

Chuckling along with Zelos' comment, completely unaware of how uncomfortable the redhead has become, Lloyd cuts through the next bit of hair, a little surprised at how quickly this is going by. Around halfway through with the process, he lets himself get lost in the pattern, keeping a light banter tossed back and forth between them, keeping his hand steady and the pressure gentle, trying not to pull on Zelos' hair as he keeps it straight enough to cut through. Lloyd's... Relaxed, enough, he guesses, to where he doesn't feel like he needs to think too hard about what to say. It's weird, not having to deal with formalities anymore, not having to act the perfect knight. Even though his training shouts at him from the back of his mind, it's easier to ignore it then it used to be.

Eventually, Lloyd finishes the job, dropping the last section of hair to the ground, and brushes his hand through the ends of Zelos' new haircut to clean it up a little. He's a little proud, actually - even though the haircut is still choppy, a bit uneven towards the sides, it's hardly noticeable enough to make it look bad. It looks like it's a deliberate choice, even. With that, Lloyd steps back, sheathing the dagger and brushing off stray hairs on the front of his tunic.

"All done!" he says. Lloyd kinda wishes he had a mirror or something for Zelos to see the results with, but it'll have to wait.

okay actual tag time

Thread title change to reflect the current plot

i adore you

RIP he freaked out

SORRY ZELOS,

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He is beginning to Shut Down

hoo boy things are surely going to get better before they get worse

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here we GO

AH, YOU WANNA CUT HIS HAIR

AT LEAST HE'LL HAVE CUTE SHORT HAIR

TRUE

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Whoops

goddamn it, we were doing so well