presidentheartbeat: (God I wanna fucking murder you)
Zelos Wilder ([personal profile] presidentheartbeat) wrote2019-09-22 01:44 pm

The "Why Can't We Be Friends" roadtrip

The beginning of spring has always brought with it a surge of life to the manor, with the flowing greenery and blooming of flowers in the gardens, the return of any staff members who needed relocating through the winter, the sudden influx of reports from every corner of the land stacked into neat papers for Zelos to organize and go through.

It's all so boring, though. Zelos leans way back on his seat, holding some random documents in his hands, lazily scanning the pages one by one. Blah blah this, blah blah that. Taxes, trade caravans, territory disputes, bandits, yadda yadda, same old bullshit, same old problems--and that's without counting any of the other requests from the peasantry accumulated since the last stack. He frowns, sighs. Bounces his leg. This is nothing new or too difficult, but definitely stuff that will take a huge chunk of the day just going through. So even with the sun at its peak and the day warmer than it's been in months, already that's a beautiful day gone to waste.

Good grief.

...And alas.

Zelos sets down the stack of papers and gets up from his seat, leaving his desk to look out the windows behind him instead. Greenery, blue skies, singing birds; already so much better than last week. Spring is here, and two things always follow the first rays of sunlight over the land. The first is more and more work as he grows older, more responsibilities stacking over on his shoulders as he continues to adjust to the title of "lord of the land". Zelos groans, stretches his arms over his head. Pops his shoulder. Keeping track of who wants what and where is always such a hassle.

He bites the inside of his cheek. Keeping track of anything is always such a hassle. Zelos never even wanted this in the first place, anyway, but things sure change quickly within barely a few years when everyone is in a panic after their previous lady dies.

Whatever.

Zelos reaches over and opens a window, sticking his head outside and looking at the main road, squinting. The breeze feels good. Staring out the window isn't productive, Zelos knows, but it's not like he can be assed to go back to the boring stack of papers on the desk any time soon when there's already something else in his mind. Because the second thing that happens, every time without fail when spring arrives, is the return of most of his younger knights from the academy next town over. And among them, there's always--

Hm, okay. Zelos bites his lower lip, then abruptly gets back inside and closes the window, rounding the desk to walk over to the door. The stack of papers remains discarded and unattended to on the desk. But Zelos is distracted, and there's no way he can get any work done like that, can he? He should do everything in his power to clear his mind. Maybe he could take a walk outside, then, subtly sticking to the front garden to keep an eye out for any carriages and marches. Just in case.

After all, it's spring. Lloyd could be returning any time now.
risingfalcon: (closed eyes smile)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-01 06:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Genuinely a little surprised that Zelos is willing enough to go through this, Lloyd begins digging back into his pack a few feet away as Zelos situates himself on the rock, grabbing a ball of twine he had packed away just in case and using the dagger to cut a few strands of it. For all of his lack of experience in cutting hair that isn't his own, he's not dumb enough to try and cut all of Zelos' hair at once. This is gonna take time if he wants this to look good at all.

Moving to stand behind Zelos, Lloyd puts the dagger down. "I dunno how you live with hair this long, anyways," Lloyd says as he begins running his fingers through Zelos' hair, dividing it into sections and tying it back with the strips of twine. Even through three days of traveling, it still feels silky between Lloyd's calloused hands. He tries not to let the urge to play with it distract him, knowing that it'd be unacceptable, even if he used to happily play with Zelos' hair without a second thought. "Just seems like it'd get in the way."

With Zelos' hair sectioned off as evenly as Lloyd could possibly get it, he picks up the dagger again. The problem is, Zelos is still understandably nervous, and for all that Lloyd can't think of what to say, there is no part of him that wants to cut Zelos' hair in silence, not while the man can focus on it. So, placing the dagger to the first section of hair, just beneath the twine...

"At least you'll probably shed less like a dog without as much hair," Lloyd jokes, carefully putting pressure on Zelos' hair with the sharp edge of the dagger.
risingfalcon: (determined)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-01 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Barking out a bit of a surprised laugh, Lloyd keeps his hands steady as he pulls the knife through Zelos' hair, trying to be as gentle and even as possible. The immediate response on his tongue - though something he would have said back when they were best friends, thick as thieves, a joking "well, if the shoe fits" - is way too rude to respond with, so he bites it back, shaking his head though Zelos can't see it. "I didn't call you anything," Lloyd says, pulling the dagger through the rest of the section of hair, watching as it frays out without any weight to hold it down. "You're just putting words in my mouth!"

One section done, he drops the hair that's gathered in his hand to the ground and grabs the next section, readying the dagger again. "Besides, you act way more like a cat, that much is obvious."

risingfalcon: (cocky)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-03 12:40 am (UTC)(link)
It's with a snort that Lloyd slowly cuts the next few strands of hair, focus mostly concentrated on trying to keep the cut even to the previous one and succeeding, for the most part. The ends may be a little choppy, but it's not like he's done this before, exactly, and a dagger and some twine are hardly real replacements for proper scissors and training. Oh well.

"All the grace and poise of an alley cat, maybe," Lloyd snarks, though the grin he wears betrays his playfulness. "You would've been friends with Oliver."

And then he pauses for a second, realizing that through his letters, he never really found much of a chance to tell Zelos about his only friend while at the Academy. Oliver was a rough little runt of a cat, one that loved to hang around his empty little dormroom, all torn ears and matted fur. "He was a cat that you could say I adopted when I was still at the Academy. It took me weeks to get him to get close to me, even though I could tell he was curious with how he hung around my dorm window all the time. I bribed him to come near with food scraps," Lloyd explains, huffing a little laugh in remembrance, voice softened with fondness. "Once he got fed, though, it was over. I left my window open and he would just decide to make himself comfortable on my pillow. There were so many mornings where I'd wake up for rollcall and find myself with a mouth full of cat fur. And he always hung out with me when I was in my room in my free time, just keeping me company."

He wonders where Oliver is now. If the next knight-in-training placed in Lloyd's former dorm will treat Oliver with kindness and accept him into the room. After all, Lloyd owes a lot to the feisty cat - without, at least, his friendship, Lloyd doubts he would've kept his sanity.

"You know what, though," Lloyd pulls himself back to reality, finishing up with yet another section of hair, repeating the process once again, and edging the playfulness back into his voice. "I don't think he would have responded as well to you, actually. I heard divas don't do well with other divas."
risingfalcon: (Default)

goddamn it, we were doing so well

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-03 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Chuckling along with Zelos' comment, completely unaware of how uncomfortable the redhead has become, Lloyd cuts through the next bit of hair, a little surprised at how quickly this is going by. Around halfway through with the process, he lets himself get lost in the pattern, keeping a light banter tossed back and forth between them, keeping his hand steady and the pressure gentle, trying not to pull on Zelos' hair as he keeps it straight enough to cut through. Lloyd's... Relaxed, enough, he guesses, to where he doesn't feel like he needs to think too hard about what to say. It's weird, not having to deal with formalities anymore, not having to act the perfect knight. Even though his training shouts at him from the back of his mind, it's easier to ignore it then it used to be.

Eventually, Lloyd finishes the job, dropping the last section of hair to the ground, and brushes his hand through the ends of Zelos' new haircut to clean it up a little. He's a little proud, actually - even though the haircut is still choppy, a bit uneven towards the sides, it's hardly noticeable enough to make it look bad. It looks like it's a deliberate choice, even. With that, Lloyd steps back, sheathing the dagger and brushing off stray hairs on the front of his tunic.

"All done!" he says. Lloyd kinda wishes he had a mirror or something for Zelos to see the results with, but it'll have to wait.
presidenteheartbeat: (Foonee jok)

SHORT HAIR ICONS BREAKOUT IN THE WRONG THREAD

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-03 06:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank god that's over with already! Zelos raises to stand, stretches his arms over his head. It feels good to be back on his feet already. If he had to sit there for any longer he would've thrown a fit or something.

He's still pretty uncomfortable, but at least the enforced banter during the haircut is done with now, and soon enough they can be back on the road. For appearance's sake, though, Zelos twists on his heel and poses, one hand exaggeratedly gesturing at his hair as he laughs. "Well? How do I look?" he calls out, expectant and yet nervous. "Good enough to fool the authorities?"
risingfalcon: (BLUSHU)

MINOR GAY PANIC NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-03 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
With a snort, Lloyd glances over at Zelos, all poses and dumb comments, and any smart response he could have had dies on his tongue as soon as he makes eye contact. It's just unfair that Zelos can pull off everything, including a messy haircut, and still look gorgeous while doing so. His bangs still frame the side of his face, much like before, but it feels like so much more is visible now, violet eyes bright against ruby red hair.

It's so unfair, the way Zelos is still able to make Lloyd's heart skip a beat like it did when he was just a kid with a schoolyard crush on his best friend. Augh.

Turning around to grab at his pack, Lloyd makes sure to keep his face otherwise hidden as he packs up the dagger and twine, hating the way his cheeks warm slightly. Who gave him the right to look so good all the time, ugh. "Yeah, yeah!" He replies, waving a hand behind him, keeping his voice light and casual enough to not give away his own embarrasment. "Good enough to fool the authorities. It's definitely a big enough difference to cause confusion."

Just gotta get used to it, Lloyd. You'll be fine. He's just attractive, and soon enough you'll get used to it again. Fuck.
Edited 2019-10-03 19:36 (UTC)
presidenteheartbeat: (I'm bitch?)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-03 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Zelos kinda wishes he could see the haircut, but without any reflective surfaces around and with their current hurry, he's shit out of luck for that. Well, at least Lloyd says it'll work. Guess he'll hold onto that.

Lloyd turns back to grab his pack, so Zelos busies himself with grabbing his cloak and getting ready to hit the road again. It already feels weird to not have the bulk of his hair flowing about, following his every movement, and the lack of its weight is downright disconcerting. But, he notes, the soft spring breeze hitting his neck in the heat of the afternoon is a godsend, so he'll make do. And it's not like it's permanent, for crying out loud. It'll grow eventually.

"Well, thanks for the haircut!" Zelos remembers his manners, looking back at Lloyd with a grin. "Now let's get going again. I'd like to find a mirror as soon as possible."
risingfalcon: (don't think too hard lloyd)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-04 12:21 am (UTC)(link)
And just like that, they get going. Packing up the campsite is short work, as quickly as they've gotten used to the routine, and bags ready and weapons re-equipped, they set out on the road. As much as Lloyd would like to say that the haircut and their resulting banter had opened the way up for more conversation and banter, the truth is that as soon as they picked their journey back up, it was a return to silence and general conversational avoidance. Though he tries to stay upbeat, to stop the disheartedness get to him, Lloyd can't help but frown a little, focusing on leading them accurately and carefully once again.

He can't help himself from glancing at Zelos from time to time, though. To see if he'll talk, if he seems like he's enjoying himself. He's always a foot or two behind Lloyd, and that bothers the ex-knight more than he'd like to admit. Lloyd just wants to talk, just like they used to, but he considers himself lucky if he can get more than a few sentences out of Zelos at a time.

And it continues like this for days. Every day is an exercise in patience, an exercise in trying to crack open the shell Zelos has hidden away in. Sometimes, Zelos will say something, smile in a certain way, and Lloyd will feel hope rise in his chest, something of a dove singing and greeting the morning, only for that hope to be ripped away as soon as he distances himself again, bringing them both back to square one. And eventually, Lloyd loses his motivation to try again and again, conversation starters and jokes left hanging in cold air. Eventually, he begins to wonder, once again, if Zelos truly wants to be here.

But Lloyd keeps trying.

"Say, Zelos," he says one afternoon on their travels, looking ahead and keeping his voice friendly, only half-expecting Zelos to actually give him the time of day. "What would you like to do once we get to Iselia?"
presidenteheartbeat: (Top ten reasons why ur bitch)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-04 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
For Zelos, the next few days are an exercise in self-bargaining.

He's not exactly ready to face the reality of what he's done just yet, but every day it's a little easier to think about the road ahead instead of the road behind. So alright, he's out here in the middle of nowhere after running away from home and responsibility with an ex-knight with a reputation that made his life misery, chasing a fleeting dream of his that he literally only told Zelos about seconds before their departure. This is still insane, and Zelos can't really tell how he's feeling about it, but the further they get from the Wilder manor, the easier it gets to swallow that pill down.

Making conversation with Lloyd is... awkward, after that rocky start. But underneath it, Zelos thinks he's justified in his discomfort: he and Lloyd could hardly even keep a conversation in letters lately, and Lloyd is completely different from the teenager Zelos leaned on when he needed it, and as a result of the chasm between them they've resorted to keeping secrets from one another. Understandable, if frustrating. It makes trying to read Lloyd and adapt to his conversation harder than it should be, because Zelos vehemently refuses to cling to a past that's honestly no longer theirs to claim.

For the most part Zelos keeps to his thoughts, admiring the views and checking the map whenever he can, trying to put himself back together after their horrible start. And he's been resorting to the mask to cope, too, treating Lloyd with the same casual brevity he would any guest at a ball, or whatever.

And Zelos can't say he's happy about that one. The guy broke him out of a life of boredom, for god's sake. The least Zelos could do would be nicer than treating him like any other pest. But how...?

Oh.

When Lloyd asks his question, Zelos is in the middle of beating himself up for being out here again, mind occupied by dark, swirling thoughts of how he's only dragging Lloyd down in his quest for freedom and peace. It startles him, then, and he takes a second to taste the question before answering. Well, what does he want to do in Iselia? What's the one thing he wants from the town? How's he going to spend his freedom?

Cold anxiety grips him tight when Zelos abruptly realizes that he doesn't know.

Because, what the hell is he supposed to do in Iselia? He's been too busy thinking of what he left behind, of what they need to do next, and as such he hasn't given their destination much thought. Zelos, caught red handed, nearly trips on his feet and stops walking. Instead he looks down to the ground as he continues on ahead, frowning and lost in thought.

"I..." it escapes his mouth. The frown deepens. He winds up releasing a sigh after holding the air in for a few seconds, shoulders slumping before he looks back up with a blank mask on, shrugging, dutifully following behind Lloyd. "I don't know. I guess I'll figure it out when I get there."
Edited (Important addition) 2019-10-04 04:19 (UTC)
risingfalcon: (sad serious)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-04 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Lloyd doesn't catch the way Zelos trips, doesn't catch the frown. He only turns around to glance back at Zelos after hearing his sigh, heart dropping at the way Zelos blankly looks ahead, shrugging with the same sort of disinterest that he used to when he was scolded for ignoring his duties as a child. Lloyd swallows, downcast, and faces forward again, any hopeful discussion dying out on his tongue as he nods. "Yeah," he says, lowering his gaze down to the ground in front of him. "Yeah, I guess that checks out. I'm sure there will be a lot to do there."

The truth is, Lloyd had been hoping Zelos would respond. The truth is, Lloyd had been hoping for something to grab onto, a rock edge to grab in the mess of climbing this towering mountain of trying to fix what's been broken, just like he had been for the better part of almost two weeks now. He had been hoping for a conversation, for talks of dreams and possibilities and something they could both work at achieving. But as it stands, Lloyd's not sure he has the right to ask for Zelos to be anymore attentive or open than he is. It's obvious to Lloyd at this point that Zelos is upset, that the blank faces and masks are just him trying to hide how badly he doesn't want to be here. Lloyd should have never asked him to come, should have never taken him away from the life he lived like he did.

Maybe he should just turn around and take Zelos back.

The silence returns, heavier this time, and Lloyd lets it wash over them. He can't find it in himself to try and break it again, can't find it in himself to risk being brushed off again at this moment. He doesn't know what he could say or do to make this any better, to try and apologize for making Zelos more miserable than he already was. Maybe Lloyd had clung onto the idea of running away, but he shouldn't have chained Zelos to yet another expectation. No wonder Zelos talks to him like he used to talk to people he disliked. Lloyd's eyes water, irritatingly, so he shuts them tight and forces it back. He's not going to cry, not here, not now, not about this. He shouldn't be a baby because things aren't going his way.

"We're coming up on a town," Lloyd says after around half an hour of silence, not bothering to look up from the map. "It'll get dark soon; we should rent a room at an inn."
presidenteheartbeat: (Default)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-04 09:57 pm (UTC)(link)
The tension and silence in the air chokes at Zelos along with his doubts and anxieties, the question of 'what are you gonna do once we get to Iselia?' repeating ad infinitum in his head. What can he do? The only thing he knows how to be so far is a lord. Maybe he could settle into politics, but-- yeah, right. Get out of politics to settle into politics, putting yourself out there in the map for anyone to come claim, and then Lloyd will pay the price for that. But what else is there? What does he do with himself anymore?

Grey clouds gather in the sky as they walk onwards, the temperatures dropping with the coming of rain. It'd be best if they weren't caught out here when it starts raining. So, resting at a town sounds like heaven right now, actually, and Zelos says so. In total silence, he follows behind Lloyd as they enter town, careful and alert, and keeps himself out of any prying eyes by pulling the hood of the cloak up over his head. Haircut or not, he wouldn't wanna risk it now, right?

With travel held at a standstill as it is, Lloyd manages to get them a room faster than it would've been otherwise. He pulls the hood off when they enter and gets to examining the room after setting down their things. Conserving money while passing through towns has been the top priority, so Zelos isn't surprised when their room only has one bed. Uncomfortable, perhaps, but not surprised. It's fine--he can scoot up to the edge if it need be.

Thunder roars outside, the rain finally breaking through and dropping in from above. Zelos walks over to the window to assess the damages, but something in the way catches his eye; a small mirror, dusty and aged, reflecting his ruby red hair in the low light. Short, ruby red hair, that is, looking choppy and uneven and hardly professional, but passable. It really only looks off if you actually focus on it, it seems. For his inexperience Lloyd sure did a pretty good job.

Zelos raises a hand to play with the tips of his bangs, admiring Lloyd's work, and snorts. "Hey, not bad," he says without turning around, but seeking Lloyd's figure in the reflection of the mirror, then tugging at his own bangs when Lloyd looks his way. "The haircut. It's good."
Edited 2019-10-04 22:12 (UTC)
risingfalcon: (SOFT AND FOND)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-05 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
As soon as they enter the room, Lloyd busies himself with dropping his pack and searching through it, taking note of anything that needs to be restocked while in town. He should see about getting more twine, and it couldn't hurt to get any food preserved with traveling in mind. Grabbing onto the handle of his dagger, he unsheathes it and takes a glance at the edge - couldn't hurt to sharpen it again. He's had more use out of it than he has his swords as of late, anyways -

Zelos' voice cuts into his thoughts, and Lloyd blinks, looking over at him. With a small grin, Lloyd sheathes the dagger again and places it back in his pack, making eye contact with Zelos through the mirror. "I told you I'd be careful," he says, huffing a laugh. "Glad you don't mind it, though. Maybe I'll take up being a hairstylist when we get to Iselia."

Inventory taken and jokes cracked, Lloyd sits on the edge of the bed and falls back with a sigh, enjoying the fact that he's on an actual bed for the first time in a while, empowered by the fact that Zelos spoke up first for once, even if it was only a little. The rain continues on, strengthening as the storm intensifies, but within the small room of this cozy inn it feels more like comfort than anything else. Still, it was definitely a good idea to rent a room for the night.

"Can you believe we're traveling like this?" Lloyd asks aloud, staring up at the ceiling, a nostalgic smile gracing his lips. "We talked about it as kids, but it's real now. It's crazy."
presidenteheartbeat: (Oh YOU'RE bitch)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-05 07:04 pm (UTC)(link)
The storm outside makes it a little difficult for Zelos to hear Lloyd that well, so he finally removes himself from the mirror to close the window before the winds drag the water into their room. He lets himself laugh a little when Lloyd mentions being a hairstylist, though, because--Lloyd, patient enough to do that for a living? Zelos doesn't think so.

He turns around and sees Lloyd already claiming the bed, looking up at the ceiling from where he lays. At least someone here is relaxed, Zelos bitterly thinks as he slumps right back into anxious self-doubt. Lloyd's comments are nostalgic, sure, but they keep trying to reach for something that Zelos thinks is better off buried and left behind. They can't do anything about the past anymore, so why bother clinging to it? Zelos has enough on his plate to deal with right now as it is.

Zelos takes a deep breath, then turns around and stares out the window, out at the raging storm that darkens the skies as if it were already night. He takes in Lloyd's words and analyzes them well, trying to pick out a way to go about this at all before his discomfort eats him alive from the inside.

Arms crossed, Zelos finally exhales. "Makes you think, doesn't it," he states, not really a question, merely a thought voiced aloud. "This is real."
risingfalcon: (sad serious)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-05 07:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Brows furrowing at Zelos' tone, worry lacing into the ease Lloyd had lowered himself down into, he tries to pick apart Zelos' words, his sigh. He doesn't seem mad or even specifically upset, but the way he just says his piece brings Lloyd back to their earlier conversation on their walk. It feels blank, a musing that isn't deep on the surface but probably hides something in its depths, and Lloyd can't help but hate that he's incapable of reading through it.

"It's real," he agrees, voice softening as he lifts himself up, placing his hands behind him to support himself. Lloyd wants to say more, offer Zelos some sort of comfort, but Zelos isn't even looking at him. Does he hate being here that much? Or is it possible that Zelos has something he hasn't felt like he could say stuck in his throat? Guilt itches up Lloyd's spine, settling an unfair amount of pressure on his shoulders. All this time spent thinking about him, and he hasn't once thought to ask Zelos about how he felt.

So he fixes that. "Is there... Is there something bothering you, Zelos?"
presidenteheartbeat: (Becky hasn't shut the fuck up)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-05 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
God, Lloyd, don't put him on the spot like that. Zelos scowls at his reflection in the window, the storm behind the glass freezing him the longer he stands here, but still he will not move. Well, shit. Lloyd's already picked up on something being wrong, but chances are he hasn't really dug into what it is. How could he, anyway? Zelos hasn't said anything. He's been as cooperative as a prisoner who refuses to speak when asked.

Maybe... maybe it's about time he fixes that, then.

"Some of the first few things they tell you to watch out for when you take up lordship," Zelos begins, still looking out the window, "is how the rest of your resources and people are doing at all times. You're supposed to watch out for everything that could go wrong, what is wrong, and how your actions will affect it. Leadership and resource management become second nature for you; and when learning exercises become several lives in your hands, it becomes a responsibility."

This is stupid, but he kind of hopes what he's trying to say will come across without really saying it out loud. What the hell is he supposed to say? Where does he start? How does one even bring up 'I feel like I left all these lands to die, like my purpose in life has been thrown away, and I have no idea what to do with myself now that the one thing I learned to be isn't what I have to be now' anyway?

Honesty was never really his forte, was it?

Another sigh, this one softer than the last. "I suppose old habits die hard," is the half-truth that Zelos says instead of anything else.
risingfalcon: (Serious)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-05 09:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Lloyd's expression morphs into one of understanding and culpability as Zelos opens up, not exactly explaining what it is that's been bothering him, but leaving Lloyd an obvious enough bread-trail to find his way to the center of it himself. And... Yeah, Lloyd can find himself empathizing with Zelos on the things he's left behind. Lloyd was a knight, not even one with land to own or power to wield. When he left, he left behind nothing but expectations, a reputation that had ruined his young life, and a father who no longer pretended to care for him. But Zelos...

Zelos left behind a lot. People who depended on him, land that needed to be led by him, responsibilities that he was trained his entire life to pick up. Lloyd knew, when he had asked the lord to join him on his escape, that Zelos would be leaving it all behind. But right here, right now, Lloyd can see just how badly the guilt is eating at him, and that causes Lloyd's own guilt to bite at his determination to see this through with Zelos. Maybe he doesn't mind Lloyd as much as Lloyd feared, but it looks like he regrets ever saying yes to this, and the last thing Lloyd wants is for him to suffer because of it.

Licking at dry lips, the ex-knight tries to figure out what to say in the quiet, the rain acting as a steady beat to keep it from being oppressive. There's really nothing he could say to make what Zelos has left behind any easier to shoulder: "they'll be fine," is shallow and vague, and Lloyd knows that without any real successor to the lordship, there's a decent chance they won't be, which pangs at his own heart - (knights are supposed to protect the people with their lives. What kind of person is he that he would throw away that obligation for freedom, instead, innocent lives be damned) - and "you shouldn't have to bear the weight of the world alone" is something Zelos has never responded to well before. Lloyd has no clue as to where to go from here.

But he supposes he could offer Zelos the choice to go back home.

"Would... Would you like to go back to the manor?" Lloyd asks, keeping his voice soft, gentle. It hurts him to think about, as far as they've come, but if Zelos wants to go home, fix what's been hurt by Lloyd's selfish actions, then he won't stop him. He can't go back to the manor with him, knowing he'll be executed as soon as he's caught by any guards, but maybe he can take him back as close to the manor as he can, lead him to a city that's bound to have guards around. "If you say that you killed me and ran, I'm sure they'll take you back without question."
presidenteheartbeat: (KHE BERGA... TWO!)

Whoopsie daisy

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-05 09:38 pm (UTC)(link)
While the silence stretches on again, this time, it's at least less oppressive than the rest they've subjected themselves to. It's pensive, purposeful. Zelos is still anxious, tapping a rhythm against his forearm as he waits for Lloyd and fights back the shame of having said anything at all. What the hell is he doing, really. Lloyd has more important matters to take care of than babysitting some ex-lord with doubts in his mind--

'If you say that you killed me and ran, I'm sure they'll take you back without question.'

Zelos freezes at that, the rhythm coming to a stop, fingers gripping tightly at the cloth of his shirt's sleeve instead. There's-- Lloyd just--

What the fuck?

A sickening, hot fury begins to boil at the pit of Zelos' gut, something that leaves him breathing harshly as he combats the rising smoke. What does he even begin to unpack here? The fact that Lloyd's willing to give up just like that, after all they've traveled? That out of everything Zelos just said, he chooses to ignore it all, and abandon him? That he missed the point? That he's willing to put Zelos back in the cage he just pulled him out of? Is he fucking serious?

Thoughts swirling in a messy, destructive force like the storm outside, Zelos finally turns to look at Lloyd, glaring daggers and growling under his breath, "Are you fucking kidding me right now, Lloyd?"
risingfalcon: (surprised)

everybody knows shits fucked!

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-05 10:21 pm (UTC)(link)
Visibly flinching as Zelos whirls around to face him, Lloyd blinks against the current of anger that so obviously controls him. What happened to get Zelos this furious in the span of a few seconds, when Lloyd was so sure that simply asking him for what he wanted was the right way to go about things? Zelos' tone is biting and sharp, and the way he addresses Lloyd almost reminds him of his former drill sergeants - loud, sudden, expectant, and vicious.

Swallowing hard, Lloyd focuses first on keeping calm. He must have said something to piss Zelos off, something to earn the brunt of all of this ire, but the problem is he can't think of what it was. He pushes himself off the bed, faces Zelos best he can though his mind shouts at him that he needs to make himself small, keep quiet, apologize and let Zelos say what he says fit to. "I - Zelos, I don't understand why you're mad at me," he starts, forcing his voice to stay low and even, "I just want to make sure you know you're not stuck with me, that you - that you're happy, y'know?"
presidenteheartbeat: (Verbal noscope)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-05 10:41 pm (UTC)(link)
"How can I be fucking happy when you ask that!" Zelos shouts as he loses control, hands balled into fists by his sides as he takes a step forward into Lloyd's space. "You pull me out of the manor, of lordship, and then you have the guts to give up like that?! You're really gonna drag me all the way back and leave me so you can serve yourself?! Fucking wow, Lloyd! I didn't think you'd be one to give up like that!"

Zelos takes a few harsh breaths, his fury spreading and taking over his whole body, making him shake. He's being irrational, he's not thinking clearly, he's not even listening, but by this point, it's not like he can even control that, either. It's all days of silent self-loathing and doubt, of anxious fear, all bubbling at the surface and exploding after a single thing left him with more fears and doubts than he ever could've wanted.

And that's the problem with Zelos, he knows. Terror becomes anger, anger becomes a knife. The knife sharpens his words and actions, drives him to defend himself like a cornered animal, even from threats that aren't even there. "But I guess that just means you finally saw the light, huh?!" Zelos adds, stepping forward again. "Fuck Lord Wilder, right! Better to ditch him and run for the prize, right?!"
risingfalcon: (HE'S BREAKING)

[personal profile] risingfalcon 2019-10-05 11:16 pm (UTC)(link)
"That's not it, Zelos!" Lloyd cries out, hurt at Zelos' assumption that he would ever ditch him like that, at being called selfish even though everything he's done during this whole trip has been done with Zelos in mind. "You know that's not it! I just want you to be happy, and you seem so - so fucking miserable here," Lloyd lowers his voice again, clinging desperately to his composure, trying to avoid the trap of yelling back. "I'm not gonna take you back if you don't want to go back, but I'm not a goddamn mind reader! What do you want from me?"

Stepping back as Zelos moves into his space, Lloyd tries not to let his anxiety get the best of him as he begins to shake a little, swallowing hard and crossing his arms. He forces himself to keep eye contact with Zelos, at least, trying to keep his expression open and controlled, but ultimately failing in the grand scheme of being panicked and upset. This feels wrong, arguing with Zelos like this, like he used to argue with his father, all sharp words and assumptions. "I've tried to talk to you and understand what I can help with, but I can't go off of nothing. And do you really think so lowly of me that you think I'd just ditch you? Why would I bring you with me from the start if all I cared about was some fucking prize? Honestly, Zelos, it's like you fucking hate me!"
presidenteheartbeat: (Dramatic Profile)

[personal profile] presidenteheartbeat 2019-10-05 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, Lloyd's words are-- they're true, actually. They ring right, and with that, Zelos becomes even more distressed. Cold self-loathing trickles down his spine like raindrops on the window's glass, pulling his heart down. He's started something here that he's not sure how to end, and both his pride and terror are the only things that push him onwards into the fight.

"I don't know, Lloyd! I don't know a goddamn thing!" he shouts again, raising his arms into the air. He tries to ignore how badly the last of Lloyd's words hurt, because-- god, no no no, Lloyd, he doesn't hate you, he could never, he just-- "What you've been doing is treating all of this as some kind of fucking roadtrip instead of focusing on the task at hand! And then you think I'm going to agree to telling everyone that I killed you?! Holy shit, Lloyd, what kind of solution to anything is that!"

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