presidentheartbeat | The "Why Can't We Be Friends" roadtrip

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The "Why Can't We Be Friends" roadtrip

The beginning of spring has always brought with it a surge of life to the manor, with the flowing greenery and blooming of flowers in the gardens, the return of any staff members who needed relocating through the winter, the sudden influx of reports from every corner of the land stacked into neat papers for Zelos to organize and go through.

It's all so boring, though. Zelos leans way back on his seat, holding some random documents in his hands, lazily scanning the pages one by one. Blah blah this, blah blah that. Taxes, trade caravans, territory disputes, bandits, yadda yadda, same old bullshit, same old problems--and that's without counting any of the other requests from the peasantry accumulated since the last stack. He frowns, sighs. Bounces his leg. This is nothing new or too difficult, but definitely stuff that will take a huge chunk of the day just going through. So even with the sun at its peak and the day warmer than it's been in months, already that's a beautiful day gone to waste.

Good grief.

...And alas.

Zelos sets down the stack of papers and gets up from his seat, leaving his desk to look out the windows behind him instead. Greenery, blue skies, singing birds; already so much better than last week. Spring is here, and two things always follow the first rays of sunlight over the land. The first is more and more work as he grows older, more responsibilities stacking over on his shoulders as he continues to adjust to the title of "lord of the land". Zelos groans, stretches his arms over his head. Pops his shoulder. Keeping track of who wants what and where is always such a hassle.

He bites the inside of his cheek. Keeping track of anything is always such a hassle. Zelos never even wanted this in the first place, anyway, but things sure change quickly within barely a few years when everyone is in a panic after their previous lady dies.

Whatever.

Zelos reaches over and opens a window, sticking his head outside and looking at the main road, squinting. The breeze feels good. Staring out the window isn't productive, Zelos knows, but it's not like he can be assed to go back to the boring stack of papers on the desk any time soon when there's already something else in his mind. Because the second thing that happens, every time without fail when spring arrives, is the return of most of his younger knights from the academy next town over. And among them, there's always--

Hm, okay. Zelos bites his lower lip, then abruptly gets back inside and closes the window, rounding the desk to walk over to the door. The stack of papers remains discarded and unattended to on the desk. But Zelos is distracted, and there's no way he can get any work done like that, can he? He should do everything in his power to clear his mind. Maybe he could take a walk outside, then, subtly sticking to the front garden to keep an eye out for any carriages and marches. Just in case.

After all, it's spring. Lloyd could be returning any time now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I'm running away."

It's like getting punched in the gut, hearing those three words, and Zelos can't really keep himself from wheezing and stepping back when they come resting against his heart. They get stuck in his mind, repeating themselves as blood rushes to his ears. Running away, running away--Lloyd is leaving. Lloyd is leaving.

Lloyd is leaving.

There's a tingling sensation on Zelos' face, his teeth, as he lifts his gaze off the ground (when did he look down?) to search Lloyd's face again, consciously trying to change his expression from open surprise to something closer to a glare. Is this... some kind of a joke? Lloyd's motives--they're. Understandable, Zelos guesses, but. Leaving just like that? Does he really hate Zelos' guts so much that he'd leave him behind? Well, they're--certainly not friends anymore, are they? It makes sense. But he could've just left without a word instead. Should have. Considering how he's feeling right now, Zelos almost feels like he would've preferred it, because somehow Lloyd coming here to tell him in person is worse.

Something hardens in his chest. He wants to leave Zelos behind? Fine, then. Go ahead and do it. Good fucking riddance.

And yet 'don't let him go,' a small, scared, irrational part of Zelos' mind screams, one that digs its nails and refuses to let everything freeze over, or to let the roaring storm in his heart to come and wreck everything. Zelos hisses through his teeth, tries to say something--comes up with nothing. After enough false starts, though, with his heart pounding and his hands balling into fists, Zelos finally gets out a scoffed,

"Excuse me?"

It becomes glaringly obvious in the moments after Lloyd announces his plan of running away that if Zelos weren't already upset at something, Lloyd has succeeded in completely pissing him off. The realization settles badly under his skin, causing him to curl in on himself a little as Zelos reacts, all tense and hissing and barely-contained furiousness. Still, Lloyd tries to reason with himself, this isn't all bad. Anger is - okay, it's not exactly what Lloyd was expecting, having thought Zelos would be either indifferent or something first and foremost, but. Lloyd can deal with anger. It can be extinguished.

Forcing himself to keep Zelos' gaze, even past the strength of Zelos' glare, Lloyd tries again. "I'm running away to a small border town in the south," Lloyd states, stepping forward a little to make up for the distance Zelos made between them in his shock. He takes a moment to breathe, swallowing down the fear that swims through his body, threatening to drown him in his doubts until he gives up the fight and succumbs. "And..."

This is it. The moment of truth.

"... I want you to come with me. We can run away, together."

BAD END 1 UNLOCKED

Edited 2019-09-24 02:40 (UTC)

That raging fire in Zelos' lungs continues to lick at his heart even while Lloyd's explaining himself, leading to Zelos crossing his arms and staring the knight down where he stands, uncomfortable and angry and almost daring him to leave. Go on, the flames say, hidden in his eyes. Go on and leave me. You sure fucking want to don't you? Go ahead and say it.

Except Lloyd doesn't. Instead of his goodbyes, Lloyd delivers something else at his feet, offering it in a shaking voice: freedom. He offers an escape, together.

"...What?"

The question, like the smokes of his ire, leaves Zelos' mouth in a breath.

He stares at Lloyd again, fire in his chest doused with cold anxiety, and for a moment Zelos forgets how to breathe. Feeling too tense and trapped in his own posture, he uncrosses his arms. He's... what? Is this for real? The emotional whiplash nearly threatens with ripping Zelos in half. Because here he comes again, Lloyd, finally showing up a whole day late, claiming to leave only to then extend the offer to Zelos himself. As if Zelos wasn't chained to this place, as if all of this could ever be that easy.

With all the anxious energy gathering in his chest, Zelos almost laughs. He bites it down instead. "You--you want. Me to-- you--" Zelos' hands ache to be in motion, so he rakes a hand through his red hair, collecting himself, and asks, "Lloyd, are you out of your fucking mind?"

Taking a deep breath, Lloyd holds out shaking hands in a gesture of pause, trying to keep his own voice calm and collected as Zelos unravels. He's seen this behavior from the lord before, four years ago, back when he was so sure he'd be able to help Zelos through every problem from right by his side. Lloyd knows now that as long as he's in this manor, there will be no such thing, and remembering that fact steals his resolve. "Listen, Zelos," Lloyd starts, forcing his voice to even out a little, trying to keep his nerves under control, "I know what I'm asking for is - it's a lot. Stupid, probably. Incredibly difficult. But, I -"

Lloyd hangs his head a little, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I'm miserable here. And I know you are too. We've always had that in common, haven't we?"

Silence fills in the bubbles where speech won't reach, Lloyd dropping his hands to his sides before crossing his left arm over his chest to grab at his right. Shifting his weight from side to side a little helps him feel like he's not gonna combust in place, at least, the trepidation cancerous and multiplying. He can't exactly find it in him to make eye contact for what he has left to say, but:

"Zelos, I don't want to lose you. Even if I stay, that's what'll happen. Like this, we can fight for a chance. We can make our own lives. It's possible, I know it is."

'Yeah, no shit it's a lot!' Zelos wants to say, but he bites his tongue while Lloyd continues to explain. At least he manages to stay silent until Lloyd brings up their shared misery, which-- yeah, they have that in common, but--

With all that anxiety and slight anger still in his veins, Zelos can't really keep the words from spilling out anymore. "I'm literally the pillar keeping this place standing, Lloyd," Zelos says, taking a few steps forward into the other's space and gesturing at himself with both hands. He stops close enough to force Lloyd to make eye contact, all up in his personal bubble as he is. "What you ask of me... you're-- and if we fuck up," he restarts, "if we get caught, you will die. Have you thought about that?!"

He's screeching a little under his breath now, holding back only because of the guards outside, but. This feels important enough to raise his voice just a bit. There's too many thoughts colliding with each other in his mind, too many things that plague him. So what, just because he's miserable he gets to jump ship and leave everything behind? What about all of the responsibilities chaining Zelos down to the manor like a prisoner in his own home? What about the peasantry, the people counting on him?

What about the king?

This is ridiculous. As much as Lloyd deserves to choose how he obtains his own freedom, it's undeniable that he would have a better chance at escaping on his own. Because if they get found, people will most likely assume Lloyd kidnapped the lord, and then who says Zelos can protect him from the rest of the nobility's ire? Taking Zelos along is just a stupid, completely unnecessary risk that will lead to his death if he's not careful.

And Zelos doesn't want his only friend's blood in his hands.

"You're-- you don't want this," he mumbles, taking a step back. And that's about all he gets. If he wanted to say more, the words just won't come, but he has a feeling Lloyd won't need them anyway.

'Just leave me behind. Save yourself,' he keeps hidden in that slight glare in his eyes, something he hopes reads as final.

Lloyd flinches as Zelos raises his voice, every inch of his body screaming that he's fucked up, that this isn't what he's supposed to do as a knight, that his lord's displeasure at him is a direct failure on his part, that what he needs to do is put the mask back on and apologize and give up this whole charade, but. Lloyd knows that's a lie, something beaten into him by the academy. He knows that if he backs down now, he's just accepting a life full of misery for both of them. He has to keep trying.

Still, guilt installs itself into Lloyd's heart as Zelos speaks, submits his reasons for why he shouldn't leave. Though he's thought about the consequences of taking Zelos away from his post before and hasn't been able to picture a solution, having the reality of it laid out in front of him still makes him feel terrible for suggesting it. And nothing Lloyd can say can really take away the irresponsibility of just tossing the duty of lordship away when Zelos is relied upon, but. Lloyd stares at his hands, ashamed of himself, as he begins to regret asking Zelos at all, regrets putting Zelos in this position and outing himself as a selfish bastard.

Maybe Kratos was right. His attitude would cause more problems between him and Zelos than their titles would.

Zelos' comments about the risk involved in taking him with fly right over Lloyd's head, having been thought about over and over. Lloyd knows that if he gets caught with Zelos, chances are he'd be executed. And he's well aware that even if he left alone and was caught, he'd have to deal with public shaming and a terrible track record added to his already atrocious reputation up in the upper throngs of nobility. A protest dances on Lloyd's tongue, but then Zelos says "you don't want this," and Lloyd can't decide if Zelos wants to go. If he thinks the risk is worth the possible reward. If he even likes Lloyd enough to go through with this.

Even now, though, Lloyd has one last wind in him, one last argument he can make. If Zelos still doesn't want to come with, that's - it's fine. Lloyd won't beg, won't make Zelos face him for any longer than he'd have to. He'll take his broken heart and leave on his own. Slowly, Lloyd steps forward, gently grabbing at Zelos' hands and squeezing them. Once upon a time, this kind of easy affection and comfort was as easy to share between them as breathing. Lloyd wishes it'd be that easy again.

"I... I don't want to leave you behind, Zelos," Lloyd near whispers, slowly bringing his gaze back up to Zelos'. "You're the only person who matters to me, and I don't want to say goodbye. It's selfish, I know, but I'm tired of giving up everything I have - everything I am to some empty crown who couldn't give less of a fuck about me. I don't want to give this up."

And then Lloyd drops Zelos' hands, closing his eyes with a sigh. "The truth is, I want nothing else than to be free with you. It wouldn't feel right otherwise."

Edited 2019-09-24 18:24 (UTC)

What Lloyd asks of him, this suddenly and so desperately-- there's so much at risk here that it nearly paralyzes him in the spot, leaving him breathless and a little caged in his own brain. Zelos is a little ashamed of himself when Lloyd taking his hands and squeezing them is enough to still some of the raging flames in his heart and bring clarity once more, the gesture calming even though it's been ages since it last was so, and he very, very slowly finds himself relaxing his palms against Lloyd's.

Still, the lord's thoughts haven't stilled. There's a new, desperate voice at the back of Zelos' mind as Lloyd whispers his next argument, one that fights the terror that digs its heels in against the other's pull.

Because as much as his words are for himself, what Lloyd says--Zelos sees himself in them, too. Giving his life away to the crown was never what he wanted, and every day since he accepted this title, since the two of them started drifting apart, the world feels a little more worthless, life brimming with pointlessness. All the responsibility thrown on Zelos' shoulders when his mother died was always something he'd fought against, clashing with Mylene when she even suggested the idea that she'd be leaving it all to Zelos when she left. That day had seemed so far away, once. It was easy to deny something he didn't have to think about just yet, so he never gave it too much thought until the day came, with reality staring him in the face through a pair of lifeless eyes in the garden.

And it's funny, isn't it? For all Zelos bitches about Lloyd giving up the fight, right now he's the one offering an exit while Zelos is the one hiding behind excuses. Once upon a time he would've taken Lloyd's offer immediately and without question, wouldn't he? What happened to that version of him?

In his moment of weakness, that little voice grabs a hold of Zelos and doesn't let go.

'We have to go.'

He steps back and takes a deep breath, spares a look around the room. Zelos isn't stupid; he knows that he can't keep questioning Lloyd all night, or going over the risks, or trying to argue his way out of this until they settle on something that's a little more palatable or comfortable. Zelos will be fine, sure, but Lloyd is the one on borrowed time, here. He's already risked his life coming here after Kratos forbade it. It's literally do or die. There are no second chances.

So, guided by that voice, Zelos pushes Lord Wilder aside and makes a choice.

He twists on his heel, rushing over to his wardrobe, and starts rummaging through his belongings for good clothes to travel in. "There's a small bag of my personal money in the left drawer of my desk. Grab a hold of that; we'll need funds if we're gonna get anywhere," he says, his back turned to Lloyd and just trusting him to do so. Zelos is not thinking about this further than the extremely necessary right now, holding back the rest of his thoughts as he clings to logic and goes through the motions. Once satisfied, Zelos tosses the clothes to the bed and gets to searching for a bag, gritting his teeth. "I hope to god you have an escape route, Irving."

Edited 2019-09-24 19:23 (UTC)

Bracing himself as Zelos steps back and turns around, expecting to hear a rejection or even a "leave my presence before I call the guards," Lloyd is left blinking as that doesn't happen. It takes a few beats of silence before the fact that Zelos agreed to run away washes over him all at once, and when it does, it leaves him blinking wide eyes, a grin slowly spreading across his cheeks. He said yes!

Being called by his preferred last name lights a spark of grateful fondness in Lloyd's heart, too, the familiarity of it softening the sides of the grin with some sort of unspoken affection. It's been over five years since Lloyd's told Zelos about how uncomfortable Aurion makes him, and here Zelos is - remembering that and sticking to it with the same ease that he had originally said "Irving it is, then" with. With the fact that Zelos is willingly agreeing to leave everything and run away with Lloyd, it makes him feel warm and giddy, relief flooding every inch of his body. They're not over the hedge yet, haven't even begun to get through the rough parts of what they're gonna do, but just knowing that their friendship isn't irreparable makes Lloyd more confident and happy than he's been in ages.

Lloyd jolts himself back to today from the useless puddle he was becoming. Grab the bag, help Zelos get ready, and then it's time to go. The clocks-a-tickin' and they have to be a good distance away from the manor by sunrise, the knight roll call. While Zelos' absence may take longer to be noticed on account of him sleeping like the dead until noon, Kratos will be suspicious as soon as Lloyd doesn't show up; and when Kratos is suspicious, everyone gets on high alert. "Y-Yes! Can do," Lloyd says to Zelos, already walking to Zelos' desk to grab the money. It's easy to find, but Lloyd can't help the little "small bag my ass," that escapes him as he picks it up. This is easily at least fifteen pounds of gold coin, but sure.

And, "I do have an escape route," Lloyd confirms, turning back around with the bag in hand. "Being Kratos' son has at least one benefit - I get to see his guard routes and plans. I know where every guard post and placement and break is going to be tonight, and I've already packed up and hidden two travel bags for us. I got you a cloak, by the way, so don't worry about bringing one. Just bring the necessities. And, uh - anything else you need me to grab?"

Zelos fishes out a bag from the wardrobe and gets to work in packing the bare minimum he can. He finds himself chuckling under his breath as Lloyd explains their escape, his giddiness contagious and spreading along with all the nerves under Zelos' skin; or maybe that's just his anxiety. "What a sharp eye, Lloyd," he jokes, light and low. "Can't believe there's been such a breach in security. What would Sir Aurion say?"

That was stupid. Still, he can't help being nervous. The fact that Lloyd packed everything in twos, that he has an anonymous cloak ready for Zelos--it really drives the point home, doesn't it? This is an escape for two people. Lloyd really was ready to uproot everything with Zelos by his side, trusting him to come along. It almost makes Zelos wonder what would've happened if he had said no.

He puts that thought away in the bag for later as he closes it.

Okay, okay. At least Zelos hasn't changed into his sleep clothes yet, so what he's wearing now will do until he can change later; Lloyd's cloak will do the rest in hiding him. Next Zelos thinks about Lloyd's second question, bites his lip. Violet eyes quickly scan the room. Anything else? No, Zelos is pretty sure there's nothing else, unless--there, still open on the desk, he catches sight of his journal.

Oh, right. That might be useful, actually.

He opens his mouth--

There's a half-baked request for Lloyd to reach for it and hand it over for a split second, but then Zelos remembers what he's written there tonight, all the unvoiced thoughts and frustrations he'd put there, and he abruptly closes his mouth. No, Lloyd shouldn't see that. Cannot see that. At all. So, wordlessly, Zelos makes his way over to the desk and slaps the book closed, then digs it as deep into the bag as he can. He makes sure to grab two of his pens as well.

"Alright, then. That would be all," he says, turning to face Lloyd. He spares him a look before he points over at the window with his free hand. "Let's get this show on the road--help me down, will you?"

Nodding along to Zelos' request, Lloyd walks back over to the window, opening the blinds wide and then popping the window open quietly as to not alert any guards outside the room. Taking just a moment to carefully stick his head out the window and glance around the inner gardens for any stray guards he may have missed, Lloyd makes sure everything is clear before gripping onto the top of the window frame and lifting his legs through the opening and sliding out of the room. The action is so familiar, the thrill of sneaking around and breaking rules and being a general troublemaker sending euphoria through Lloyd's veins, a slight giggle escaping him before he bites down on his tongue. The consequences for breaking the rules this time are much worse than they had been, before, but Lloyd can't find it within himself to linger on them. Things will be fine. They'll get through this, safe and sound.

Once his feet land on the cobblestone path below Zelos' window, Lloyd looks back up at it, gesturing. "Toss down your bag, first," he whispers, catching it as Zelos does, placing it beside his feet before leaning upwards to help Zelos out of the window, keeping a firm grip on the redhead's hand as he does so. Grabbing the bag with his free hand, keeping Zelos' in his other, Lloyd begins to lead him through the garden and back through the side door he had walked in from. From there, it's a puzzle of servent's quarters and avoiding knight paths, hiding behind walls and listening for the steps of knights, for the clanking of armor. Lloyd holds his breath for so long so often he feels like he could be a good contender for becoming a merman, but he never once lets go of Zelos' hand. After a while, he even forgets he's holding it as he drags them to the back entrance of the manor.

Their entire escape sequence does wonders to sober up Lloyd's excitement, suddenly switching to a more aware, analytical state of mind as he safely guides them both to freedom, and soon enough, Lloyd stops in his tracks, finding the hidden trapdoor leading to the secret exit of the manor, the same one Kratos was supposed to take Zelos through should he ever be endangered, the same one that Lloyd had found and explored with Zelos at the ripe age of twelve. The same one that takes them straight through the back gate and close to the same area Lloyd had planted the packs by, the same one that takes them to their goal. They're so close.

"I'll go first," Lloyd whispers to Zelos, leaning a bit closer to avoid talking at a regular volume. "This is the way out. It leads directly past the back gate, remember? There aren't any guards looking out for it because it's still a secret, aside from you, Kratos, and I."

Zelos lets Lloyd guide him through the manor, holding his hand and doing his part to stay quiet and well-hidden when it's required. They've done something like this before, back when they were younger and the world was still new and exciting, before responsibilities and reality crashed in and created this rift between them. It's easy to fall into old habits when Lloyd's giddiness is nearly palpable through their joined hands, but Zelos' nerves are the one thing that keeps him serious.

Once they're close by the trapdoor those nerves rise out of the ground and take a hold of his ankles to anchor him to the ground. It feels like the air around them freezes, grabbing a hold of Zelos' throat and drying it to dangerous levels. He swallows hard, keeps his eyes trained on the secret exit. His hand starts to shake. This is it, then. It's the end of the road. Do or die, run or hide.

And Lloyd still has a chance.

They've already made it so far for Zelos to be sure that he would cross this threshold with Lloyd so long as Lloyd didn't regret this, but a part of Zelos still doubts, still wonders if this is the right choice. All those thoughts and fears and worries he's left behind impulsively have caught up to him suddenly, whispering into his ears. This is stupid, they say. He's gonna get Lloyd killed. Thinking that, Zelos abruptly lets go of Lloyd's hand, waiting until he's got the other's attention before doing anything else. Once he's sure Lloyd's looking at him and him alone Zelos slowly takes a single step back, holding Lloyd's gaze, expression breaking just a little to make way for the very real fear that the whispers have stuffed down his throat.

Zelos takes a deep breath. Fighting back against the cacophonous sound of his own mind tearing itself apart, he carefully picks his words. "There's still time, you know," he mumbles privately for Lloyd, voice steady through sheer force of will alone. 'You still have time to leave me behind, Lloyd,' is the hidden message in those words. 'You can still go on your own, save yourself the hassle. You'll still be free. You'll be fine.'

In the silence of the night, surrounded by the darkness, Zelos waits for Lloyd to make a choice.

BAD END 2: Lloyd realizes the depth of the consequences should he take Zelos, and decides to continue on alone.

Edited 2019-09-25 11:12 (UTC)

Irrational panic almost bumps out Lloyd's excitement as Zelos lets go of his hand, stares at him so seriously and nervous that Lloyd has to fight the fear that begins to crawl up his spine. Is he having second thoughts? Does he want to stay, to go sleep and forget this happened at all? Because Lloyd doesn't know how he'd handle it, being this close to freedom, only to be rejected at it's gates.

And then Zelos speaks, and the fear is at once axed off by gentle fondness and a little bit of sadness spawned from the meaning behind Zelos' words. Lloyd knows he should have been there for Zelos, should have tried harder to see him, to talk to him, but - the idea that Zelos thinks Lloyd would want this without him - it's almost laughable. Still, the sadness mingles with the guilt in his heart, so before he can think too hard about it, he opens his mouth to respond.

What feels like ages ago, Lloyd and Zelos had discussed freedom, all big dreams and even bigger confidence. A simple question had been hatched: What would you do if you were truly free from your responsibilities? and all Lloyd could think about was traveling the lands with his best friend at his side. He had said as much aloud back then, and it's with a matured, yet equally cheeky grin that he repeats the sentiment.

"C'mon, Zelos. I wouldn't want to do this without you."

Edited 2019-09-25 18:41 (UTC)

That's not fair, Lloyd. Echoing a statement from their childhood days like that? That's deliberate, Zelos knows. And he hates how much it works on him, too, how the grin and his words reflect a time of confidence and trust well enough for all the whispers in Zelos' mind to quiet down for a moment, making way for the tell-tale sounds of night passing around them instead.

God... damn it, Lloyd.

Zelos takes a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds. Fine, then. Fine.

Without another word he takes Lloyd's hand in his and nods.

Truthfully, it's all kind of a dream-like blur for Zelos from there on, guided as he is by Lloyd's determined pull. They open the trapdoor and cross the threshold between the manor and the outside world, and somehow the air feels colder and fresher out here than it ever did before. Distracted as he is, Zelos' mind wanders to the scenery around: the moonlight washing down from above in small doses for its current phase, with stars glinting and titillating, the grass crunching delightfully under two pairs of boots. An early spring breeze that gently plays with Zelos' hair, making him shiver.

Protected by the darkness of night they get to finding the supplies Lloyd packed. Zelos digs into his and puts on the cloak for safety, and meanwhile, Lloyd finishes up with last minute checks. As he does so, Lord Wilder takes the time to spare one last look back to the manor's walls. The weight of his own pack and his personal bag, the sight of the building under the spare moonlight, the chill air in his lungs--it paints a picture in Zelos' eyes like straight out of a dream, something surreal in its connection with reality. Because it's... strange, looking at it from the other side again. He hadn't expected to do so ever again since the first time Lloyd left.

Well. This is it, isn't it? It's the beginning of the road ahead, and the end of Lord Wilder and the younger Sir Aurion. They're just Zelos and Lloyd now, once more.

It continues to dawn on Zelos how Lloyd planned this as a trip for two, how this, this is a choice neither can back down from anymore.

Oh, boy.

Zelos only takes his eyes off the manor when Lloyd calls out his name, bringing him back to the moment at hand. The disconnect between his mind and body is still intense, but Lloyd's worry and urgency is a good enough anchor for Zelos not to lose himself in it. Instinctively, then, Zelos offers him a cocky smile and takes his hand. "Let's get going," he says. Maybe his voice feels distant, but at least it's steady.

And hand in hand they run off to the south.

Passing the manor gates and finally escaping the stone walls that Lloyd called home for the past fifteen, going on sixteen years of his life feels so final. He barely looks back when as they leave, just double-checking his pack and giving Zelos a chance to prepare himself, glancing at the redhead with some concern as he spaces out. This is - a lot, Lloyd is aware, to suddenly drop everything you knew at the request of someone you barely know anymore, and Lloyd can't help but worry that maybe he's forcing Zelos into a decision that he truly doesn't want to make.

But then again, Zelos held his hand, too.

Making a silent note to check with Zelos when they finally rest, Lloyd grabs the map and a compass and shoves on his own cloak. Pack checked over and ready, Lloyd softly calls out Zelos' name and smiles at him when he takes his hand, excited to find their way to freedom. As a general rule, Lloyd decides to stick to backroads and merchant's paths, trying to avoid being seen by any passers-by and lower the chance of creating a trail. Every time a guard or knight walks by, Lloyd derails, walking through the forest and merging back onto the path after a few minutes of quiet, careful observation.

Soon enough, they lose sight of any towns and villages, the cobblestone paths turning into dirt roads paved by the footsteps of travelers before them. With the map, compass, and the direction of signs placed by and for wanderers, they end up making quite a bit of distance before sunrise, but they both decide it for the best to continue on, keep up the pace so they have less of a chance of being caught. For the most part, it's rather silent - Lloyd is focused on leading them in the right direction and being on the lookout for anything dangerous, even though he knows realistically that they have a few hours before anybody realizes Zelos is gone, and that it will be several days before they let the information go to the public in order to drum up more eyes. Zelos, for his part, seems lost in thought, holding onto Lloyd's hand with a tight grip yet otherwise staring into the distance, following mindlessly.

As the morning passes on, Lloyd begins to feel weary, even exhausted. The adrenaline from the moment of the escape has long since left him, and without it, he's left with the results of scattered sleep from the past week til now, the soreness in his muscles a consequence for not sleeping a day after knight training at the manor. Though he snacks on some fruit he had packed before leaving - handing Zelos a decent portion too, of course - his energy reserves are low, and soon enough, with a growing headache, through the bright sun shining down on them and the way his legs begin to shake, he begins to see black spots dancing in his eyes. Lloyd stops abruptly, weakly raising a hand to his forehead.

"Zelos, I can't keep -" he mumbles, vision blacking out, leaving him stumbling. Lloyd snaps back to attention for a few seconds enough to right himself, but he's shaky on balance, lightly swaying. Overexertion, seems like, can really take a man out of it. "Gotta stop for now."

The trip is mindless, going by while Zelos attempts to recollect himself. Mindless, yet hasty--their snack breaks are short, there's very little rest, they barely even talk. Trying to get as far away from the manor as possible, Zelos guesses. So despite the dissociation clinging to his head Zelos attempts to help anyway he can until they finally hit an uninhabited land with a dirt road leading to god knows where.

And now he really can't keep his mind from wandering again.

With the sun beating down on them Zelos absently calculates the time; might be close to noon, now, around the time when he usually wakes up. The knights would have been up and about for a long while by now, which means that Kratos must've already noticed his son's absence. How are they handling that, he wonders. Did anyone other than him even care? Rocky as their relationship may have been, Kratos wouldn't have let something like his replacement going missing go. Zelos imagines, for a moment, what it would've been like if he'd awakened today only to see the knights in disarray, if he'd greeted the day to news of Lloyd being missing. How would Kratos have looked?

But he's not in the Wilder manor right now, is he? He's out here on the roads on a trip to some border town in the south, being--

Lloyd lets go of his hand.

It happens in the blink of an eye. One moment Lloyd is saying something Zelos doesn't quite catch under the murkiness of his subdued conscious, and then the next thing Zelos sees is a blur of brown and red falling to the ground in front of him, down into the--

snow, right after the blade is dragged out of his mother's back, leaving behind a trail of red that stains the white flakes. It's so cold. So cold, so cold, so cold, so cold. Slowly, Mylene drops into the ground. The blood on her back is staining her coat. Someone's shouting something in the distance, but there's movement to his left. It's so cold. Movement again, and when he turns to look he catches the glint of a blade, a blade stained with his mother's blood--

--dirt below. Like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water Zelos comes back to himself with a loud gasp, the world suddenly crystal clear around him, painfully so, every single sound and sensation and colour brilliant and crisp as he drops down on his knees next to Lloyd. His heart is pounding, his head is spinning. "No no no, no, come on, Lloyd," he mumbles, voice foreign to his own ears, blood pumping, hands shaking as he pushes Lloyd onto his back. "Come on, Lloyd, stay with me, come on. Come on, come on-- W-What the fuck, Lloyd! Stay with me!"

Lloyd is so goddamn heavy, but eventually he's finally on his back. Zelos swallows down his heart. Oh no, oh no, oh no, this isn't happening. Oh god. The first thing that strikes Zelos is how pale Lloyd is. Mind racing a mile a minute, the second thing Zelos notices is that there's no blood anywhere on him. That's a genuine relief, but--how embarrassing, come on. Without really thinking about it Zelos presses his ear to Lloyd's chest, checking for a steady heartbeat, and right away a ray of clarity hits his mind. Logically speaking, a small part of Zelos' subconscious says, Lloyd is just fine. He's passed out. He's probably just exhausted, but--well, that still doesn't stop Zelos from freaking out. The way he fell, it was just like--

He shuts his eyes tight and listens for Lloyd's heart. Ba-dump, ba-dump, he catches a sound. Relieved, Zelos releases all the air in his lungs in a laugh. It's still there. Lloyd is alive.

Lloyd is alive.

Zelos stays pressed to the other's chest for a little while, blinking back old memories while trying to put himself together again.

Edited 2019-09-25 23:25 (UTC)

Rousing from his sleep, Lloyd blinks against an uncomfortable amount of throbbing pressure that settles itself in his skull, unpleasant and generally awful as he opens his eyes to a sunny, mid-day sky. His shoulders and spine ache, too, tense and sore, so he slowly rolls his shoulder-blades, massaging at his neck, and takes in where he is. Lloyd, in his drowsy and tired mind, takes a moment to glance around, eyes narrowing as he tries to register his location, and then catching on brilliant red hair, just off to his left.

And suddenly, he's wide awake again. Zelos leans against the tree next to Lloyd, their packs wrapped to his wrists by their straps, his eyes barely open as he tries to fight off his own obvious exhaustion. He must have kept watch, Lloyd realizes, shame and guilt finding their way onto his face in a frown. And - where Lloyd is now, that is not where he had been when he fainted, so Zelos had to have carried him over, not to mention how stressful it is to see someone just drop like that. So Lloyd passed out and left Zelos alone to deal with everything, huh? How responsible, Irving.

Still though, there is an undoubtable level of gratefulness surrounding it all, much like a warm hug on a cold day. Not only has Zelos agreed to give up his life as he knew it just to follow Lloyd on a dangerous escape from their stifling positions in life, but here he is, trying his best to keep alert when even his own exhaustion is creeping upon him, just to give Lloyd a chance to recover. Zelos still cares, Lloyd knows for sure now, even though Lloyd had barely been there for him for the past few years, even though they're basically strangers in all but shared experiences. Lloyd doesn't know what he did to deserve someone as wonderful as Zelos by his side through all of this bullshit, but he's glad he did at least one thing right in his life.

Twisting to reach out, softly gripping at Zelos' shoulder, Lloyd shakes him just the slightest amount. Dealing with a half-asleep Zelos reminds him just a little of when they were kids, the first and last time he spent the whole night in Zelos' room. Even though the memory is clouded in worry and anxiety, Lloyd can remember waking up holding the redhead close, and the long process of trying to wake the grump up bright and early for once. Without fighting the small smile that spreads on his face, Lloyd gently calls out to Zelos

"Hey, Zelos. I'm awake, I'll take over from here. Get comfortable, alright? You have to rest up too."

Keeping watch after moving Lloyd is the perfect way to unwind after that scare, and just as he's settled down Zelos feels his whole body melt against the tree.

Whatever adrenaline grabbed a hold of him to carry Lloyd away from the main road is absolutely gone for good now. It's uncomfortable; Zelos hasn't slept, and carrying Lloyd around after he dropped like that took a lot more of his strength than he'd thought it would need, so exhaustion crawls up his spine and brings with it an aching drowsiness. At least he's feeling a lot more... present, though, his memories locked away for now.

The breeze feels so good, the shade surrounding them cooling down the afternoon heat just right. This is a damn perfect nap spot, for sure. Lloyd's a lucky bastard.

Zelos grumbles and fights the urge to join him and fall asleep right here. God damn it, Lloyd's depending on him. Zelos needs to keep watch. He spares a glance at the ex-knight, and--well, he sure sleeps like a log. That's fine, though. Let him rest. Zelos resists the urge to check his pulse and looks up at the foliage, watching the sun as it travels in the sky. Leaves rustle with the wind, birds sing. Even with so much to distract himself with it only takes a few minutes before Zelos starts worrying about when Lloyd will wake up, about how much longer and further they should travel for whatever search party that gets sent after them to miss them entirely on their first sweep, and--

He jumps a little when Lloyd grips his shoulder, thoughts completely cut in half.

Main difference between their travel time earlier and now? Despite his exhaustion, Zelos is completely, fully aware, absolutely focused on what Lloyd says. He chews on his lower lip. The lord is tired, both mentally and physically, and just thinking about getting up right now is multiplying that tenfold. There's an urgency in Zelos' gut that begs him to get up and get moving, to put as much distance between the two of them and the manor as possible, but Zelos is aware that trying to wave aside the offer to rest right now would be stupid as all hell anyway.

Nothing else to do but to comply. Like, he could risk it, sure, but then he's risking Lloyd.

Alright, then. Fine. Zelos drops Lloyd's gaze as he hums in acknowledgement, sliding down a little to get more comfortable against the tree. Well, as comfortable as it gets, really. He's still stubbornly holding onto their belongings, though; he may be tired, sure, but he sure as hell is not useless. "Ten minutes," Zelos mumbles, eyes drooping closed. "Start countin'."

Edited 2019-09-26 06:03 (UTC)

It goes without saying that Lloyd lets Zelos sleep for a lot longer than ten minutes. Ignoring the fact that it would be unfair to wake Zelos up after so little rest when Lloyd slept for at least a good two hours, judging by the sun's placement in the sky, Lloyd knows that if they both want to make more distance before nightfall, they need to actively get back some of the energy they've burned. So he lets Zelos sleep, instead sneaking a hand into his pack and pulling out some more food rations to quell his hunger and hopefully help with the slight headache he's nursing. Lloyd would light a campfire, but it wouldn't make sense to if they plan on leaving, and might just drag more attention to them where it isn't needed.

The only problem with keeping watch while Zelos sleeps and without anything else to do other than keep alert and observe the nature around them, Lloyd soon finds, is that without anything to actively keep him busy, he's left alone with his thoughts to keep him company. His swords lie in their sheaths, and for a moment, he's tempted to train, but straining his body further would be a terrible idea. So he sits, waiting, thinking, and snacking until he's no longer as hungry as he was.

Unfortunately, for all the things he could be thinking about, his mind seems deadset on focusing on Kratos, on their last argument and all the what-ifs that spawn from just thinking about his father. By now, his absence is sure to have been noted, and Zelos' too, probably. Bitterly, Lloyd wonders about what Kratos thinks, if he told his command to look for his awful son and bring his head for the chopping block. Or maybe he stuck to protocol, told them that Lloyd had probably kidnapped Zelos and needed to be brought before the king. Maybe Kratos looked ashamed, name once again tarnished by an Irving he hated to acknowledge.

"If you did, you would be a good son!"

Well, there goes that hope huh, dear father?

After around an hour and a half, Lloyd gently wakes Zelos with another smile and helps him up, both of them rested enough to continue their journey. Packs ready and weapons equipped, Lloyd gets back to guiding them, first getting them back on the main merchant's path they had been traveling and then sticking to the backroads, walking and walking and walking as the sun falls lower and lower in the sky, keeping an eye on their direction and following the route planned. Dirk had told him in a letter that the best time to travel to Iselia was during the fall, when the southern heat cools off to the coming of winter, and if everything works out, they'll both be able to avoid the worst of the heat traveling through the north in the summer months. Lloyd only prays that they get to shelter in Iselia before winter comes, knowing that the last thing he'd want to do is make Zelos travel through the snow.

He remembers, again, the way Zelos had paced and paced and paced. Remembers the cold and distant condolences offered during Mylene's funeral, how everyone was sorry for Zelos' loss but not for what Zelos would lose, words empty and shallow. He remembers pulling Zelos in for a hug and holding him tight, hoping that the young lord would get that if anything, Lloyd would understand.

When the sun slips behind the horizon, Lloyd leads them off the main path and into a small forest clearing, something private and unlikely to be bothered. "We should rest for the night," Lloyd says, already placing his pack down by a tree off to the side. He slides the map and compass in, pulling out instead a flintrock and a dagger, shoving them in his pockets. "We both need proper rest, even if the catnaps did help."

And its true. The catnaps got them through the rest of the day's travels, but they're both exhausted again and that much is obvious. They need to sleep and they need to eat proper food at some point, and this could be the best place for that to happen as of right now. So, with that said, Lloyd leaves Zelos with the direction to watch their stuff as he quickly grabs firewood from around the area, coming back with an armful of it and placing it down on the ground in the center of the clearing.

"Ever learn how to start a fire?" Lloyd asks with a grin as he adjusts the placement of the wood, grabbing some dry grass from nearby and using it as tinder. Then, placing the head of the flintrock against the tinder, he takes the dagger and quickly scrapes it against the mineral, once, twice, and -

"There we go!" He exclaims as the sparks catch, the tinder coming alight. Lloyd guides the small flame into the mass of tinder, watching as it grows and begins eating at the firewood, sitting back on his hands when it does. The warmth from the fire begins to spread through the cool spring night, and Lloyd finds himself closing his eyes and enjoying it before long.

After a few minutes of silence, Lloyd focuses his attention over to Zelos. With the way the fire crackles and the crickets chirp, the trees swaying in the breeze, it's almost hard to remember that Lloyd is technically now running for his life, that they're both desperately chasing true freedom. And he wants to say something, anything, to keep the peace going, but he can't quite think of what. For as long as they've known each other, for as effortlessly talking to Zelos used to be, they don't know each other that well anymore. Lloyd hopes that eventually, they'll be able to bridge that gap once again.

For now, though, he figures he should tell Zelos the plan.

"Zelos, how familiar are you with the town of Iselia?"

Lloyd's really trying to lighten the mood around them when he gets the fire started, and as much as Zelos appreciates that, he finds that he actually can't focus on it too much. Once the fire's going Zelos stays where he's sitting across from the ex-knight, holding himself for warmth as night crawls in, back to thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking.

It's not completely silent. The crackling of the fire and the chirping of crickets fill the area, but the two of them remain quiet otherwise, so a sense of unease begins spreading through their campsite, accompanied by the tension of the unknown. It's awkward, and Zelos can't bring himself to look at Lloyd. In the calm silence of the night, out here with his failures and regrets staring at him from the flames, it's too easy for Zelos' thoughts to wander back to the manor once more.

What's Kratos doing, Zelos wonders. They've definitely been found out by now, the lord is sure. He must already have pieced together what happened, or at least someone else must've jumped to the conclusion that Lord Wilder got kidnapped by Aurion's rowdy child. So, the questions are: how long until someone comes looking? Where will they look first? The distance should've given them some advantage for now, sure, but that still--

Lloyd asks him a question.

Iselia, Iselia. Yeah, he's heard that name before--why wouldn't he? He's the lord. With the name ringing in his ears Zelos swallows down his unease, ripping his heavy gaze from the flames to meet Lloyd's, then looking away again, curling into himself. Things are awkward, sure, but fuck if Zelos isn't grateful for a distraction from and an answer to his own thoughts anyway.

"It's a sleepy, boring, tiny border town," Zelos supplies. "They have the unfortunate luck of being quite far from my immediate power to get anything quick, plus travel has difficult lately, so they've learned to be pretty self-sustainable as a result. I still try to help, though. But not a whole lot happens there." Something slowly dawns on Zelos as he speaks, a bright spot of clarity in his mind that leads him to pause then, frowning. A pair of questioning, violet eyes raise to meet Lloyd's again, some stray red hairs cascading down Zelos' face as he tilts his head. "Is that your destination? Iselia, of all places?"

Edited 2019-09-28 16:52 (UTC)

Looks like Zelos is sharp as ever. Lloyd smiles a little as Zelos describes what he knows about Iselia, watching as the realization washes over him through the explanation. The good news is that the redhead doesn't look irritated by the idea of heading to Iselia, but Lloyd knows Zelos well enough to know that he's more than likely got several worries and issues already lined up against the prospect.

"A small, sleepy border town far away from any immediate rule sounds like a grand place to start a new life, don't you think?" Lloyd asks, leaning forward a little, hands in his lap. The fire is warm and cozy, reminds him of the few fun expeditions he had during his time in the academy, and it helps melt the ice in the conversation. "There's a man who lives there - a blacksmith named Dirk - who's offered to help us settle down as long as we can make it over. He used to be a close friend of my mother's."

The truth is, Dirk had originally only offered to help Lloyd. But even months ago, when they first began exchanging letters, Lloyd had already decided that he would attempt this with Zelos at his side. It took a few more letters to convince Dirk that taking a lord away from their position would be possible without immediate casualty, but Dirk eventually agreed to help them both - under the condition that Lloyd and Zelos get there on their own, first.

Lloyd bites at his lip, gives Zelos a few moments to process the plan as it stands, and then opens his mouth. For all of Lloyd's certainty in this plan, for all the preparation and care he's taken in making this work, he wants Zelos' input, wants Zelos to know that he can choose to do whatever he'd like so long it makes him happy. After all, this is about freedom; even though Lloyd wants nothing more than to be able to be close with Zelos like they used to be, he didn't break Zelos out of a life in chains to chain them both together instead.

"So, what're your thoughts on this?"

Well, Lloyd having at least an idea of plan is better than Lloyd having nothing at all, but there's still a few things missing from what he's just said. So, grabbing the reigns that Lloyd's just passed him, Zelos sits up straighter, takes a deep breath, and gets to work in refining that.

"Considering who it is that you're carting around," he says, gesturing at himself with one hand, "you're going to have to get creative on which cities and towns you can enter and which you must absolutely avoid. Not to mention stray bandits, Kratos' search party, and anyone who could recognize me outside of them--hell, even knights and guards sent to protect vulnerable towns themselves will be a problem."

There's still more to it, of course, something more sinister brewing under the surface of all the civil unrest of Zelos' lands. All the anxious energy in his nerves escapes him in a bouncing leg, one hand coming to rest under his chin as he glares at the fire, trying to put all his worries and thoughts into words. The fire crackles again, embers rising to the skies. The lord clicks his tongue. What Lloyd is asking here, and the way he's going about it... to make a journey on foot across the entire land... surely he must've accounted for all the problems going around, right? What about the food scarcity near the border towns? All the knights back at the manor would've heard; that's exactly what the majority get tasked with helping with.

Zelos runs a hand through his hair, left leg bouncing again after he's crossed it over his right. He's getting fidgety already. This really is a mess. "And Iselia is really far away, Lloyd," Zelos adds after a small pause. "Do you have a route planned? Like, it's already a long journey if you're doing it by foot, let alone zig-zagging around. Do you have an ETA in mind or are you just gonna wing it?"

Edited 2019-09-28 20:34 (UTC)

Sitting with his back straight and his attention directly on Zelos, Lloyd lets the redhead address his concerns, worries, and any questions he might have. It's best if they get all of this out of the way, anyways, so that there's no miscommunication when they're already a decent way on their trail. In the case that Zelos is incredibly against going to Iselia for any reason, maybe they can take this moment to plan around that, consider another option. Not that Lloyd has any, of course, but.

They'll deal with it should they need to.

"I've already marked which towns should be safe to go into," Lloyd says, standing, grabbing his pack, and shuffling stuff around to get the map again. He passes it to Zelos when he has it, letting him see their route for himself. The main route has been marked with blue ink, with detours and subroutes marked with red should need be, but he doesn't foresee too many issues popping up. "Almost all of them are towns with low guard presence, mostly in boring towns with more agriculture-based economy rather than market or political presence. And in that vein, we'll mostly be taking mercenary roads and paths, keeping away from any main roads. As long as we can defend ourselves from any possible bandits, we'll be fine."

Lloyd sits back down across from Zelos, lets him process everything at his own speed, yet keeping a semi-anxious eye on him. Lloyd's planned for this, spent hours thinking everything through, but if Zelos wants nothing to do with it, he's not going to force him into a journey he doesn't want. They'll find somewhere else, somewhere he'd agree with. "If we decide to go through with Iselia we should be there before winter," Lloyd answers. "There's... I'm sure you've heard about the unrest across the land. The royal guards and knights are already preoccupied with handling that - right now, there's a shortage in knights to handle more local issues. And I know my father," Lloyd scoffs, picking a rock off the ground and tossing it between his hands, "he'll try to keep this a secret for a while as to not incite panic. I give it at least two weeks before he starts spreading the world about your disappearance. We'll be able to make a lot of distance between us and the capital by then, and since news travels slowly, I'd say it'll take a long while before any of these villages learn the truth."

Dropping the rock back down onto the ground, Lloyd runs a hand through his fringe. "Should we need to, we can pass ourselves off as traveling mercenaries. But as it stands, we're going to mostly avoid traveling through villages unless we need to restock or the weather is unpermitting of further travel. I doubt we'll really need to."

Once again, having some semblance of a plan is better than no plan, and at least Lloyd here looks and sounds like he's done his homework. The crackling of the fire accompanies the knight's voice as Zelos looks at the map, following each of the routes highlighted with his eyes, contextually guessing the meaning of each detour from what he knows as lord of the land. This... definitely looks like a six month journey, at most. Getting to Iselia by winter isn't very attractive to Zelos, but, well, beggars can't be choosers, right?

Beyond that, Lloyd is right in all his assumptions. It is best to stick to agricultural towns, to avoid all cities and main roads, and try to defend themselves from any conflict on their own. The secrecy and lack of communication for protocol back at home should save them the time they need to perfect this. Looking at it like this, from an outsider's point of view, then everything really is perfectly aligned for Lloyd's escape down south. Iselia really is the best choice.

It's too late to back down. So then right now, Zelos has no choice but to follow Lloyd's plans.

So be it, then.

"Well, if we're going to hit some towns every now and then, then it's good thing you grabbed my money bag, huh?" Zelos says casually, folding the map back up and handing it over to Lloyd again. He keeps a smirk on his face, something easy he uses all the time to hide his anxieties, and shrugs. "Guess I'll follow. You have a good plan, at least. The rest we'll figure out as we go along, right?"

Edited 2019-09-29 20:05 (UTC)

Sorry Lloyd he's spiraling a lil

it's fine they're both depressed

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Ok HERE'S a proper response

lloyd stumbles through explaining himself: the au

I need better icons

soon you will have access to Important Icons

SOON

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BAD END 2

okay actual tag time

Thread title change to reflect the current plot

i adore you

RIP he freaked out

SORRY ZELOS,

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He is beginning to Shut Down