Lloyd flinches as Zelos raises his voice, every inch of his body screaming that he's fucked up, that this isn't what he's supposed to do as a knight, that his lord's displeasure at him is a direct failure on his part, that what he needs to do is put the mask back on and apologize and give up this whole charade, but. Lloyd knows that's a lie, something beaten into him by the academy. He knows that if he backs down now, he's just accepting a life full of misery for both of them. He has to keep trying.
Still, guilt installs itself into Lloyd's heart as Zelos speaks, submits his reasons for why he shouldn't leave. Though he's thought about the consequences of taking Zelos away from his post before and hasn't been able to picture a solution, having the reality of it laid out in front of him still makes him feel terrible for suggesting it. And nothing Lloyd can say can really take away the irresponsibility of just tossing the duty of lordship away when Zelos is relied upon, but. Lloyd stares at his hands, ashamed of himself, as he begins to regret asking Zelos at all, regrets putting Zelos in this position and outing himself as a selfish bastard.
Maybe Kratos was right. His attitude would cause more problems between him and Zelos than their titles would.
Zelos' comments about the risk involved in taking him with fly right over Lloyd's head, having been thought about over and over. Lloyd knows that if he gets caught with Zelos, chances are he'd be executed. And he's well aware that even if he left alone and was caught, he'd have to deal with public shaming and a terrible track record added to his already atrocious reputation up in the upper throngs of nobility. A protest dances on Lloyd's tongue, but then Zelos says "you don't want this," and Lloyd can't decide if Zelos wants to go. If he thinks the risk is worth the possible reward. If he even likes Lloyd enough to go through with this.
Even now, though, Lloyd has one last wind in him, one last argument he can make. If Zelos still doesn't want to come with, that's - it's fine. Lloyd won't beg, won't make Zelos face him for any longer than he'd have to. He'll take his broken heart and leave on his own. Slowly, Lloyd steps forward, gently grabbing at Zelos' hands and squeezing them. Once upon a time, this kind of easy affection and comfort was as easy to share between them as breathing. Lloyd wishes it'd be that easy again.
"I... I don't want to leave you behind, Zelos," Lloyd near whispers, slowly bringing his gaze back up to Zelos'. "You're the only person who matters to me, and I don't want to say goodbye. It's selfish, I know, but I'm tired of giving up everything I have - everything I am to some empty crown who couldn't give less of a fuck about me. I don't want to give this up."
And then Lloyd drops Zelos' hands, closing his eyes with a sigh. "The truth is, I want nothing else than to be free with you. It wouldn't feel right otherwise."
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Still, guilt installs itself into Lloyd's heart as Zelos speaks, submits his reasons for why he shouldn't leave. Though he's thought about the consequences of taking Zelos away from his post before and hasn't been able to picture a solution, having the reality of it laid out in front of him still makes him feel terrible for suggesting it. And nothing Lloyd can say can really take away the irresponsibility of just tossing the duty of lordship away when Zelos is relied upon, but. Lloyd stares at his hands, ashamed of himself, as he begins to regret asking Zelos at all, regrets putting Zelos in this position and outing himself as a selfish bastard.
Maybe Kratos was right. His attitude would cause more problems between him and Zelos than their titles would.
Zelos' comments about the risk involved in taking him with fly right over Lloyd's head, having been thought about over and over. Lloyd knows that if he gets caught with Zelos, chances are he'd be executed. And he's well aware that even if he left alone and was caught, he'd have to deal with public shaming and a terrible track record added to his already atrocious reputation up in the upper throngs of nobility. A protest dances on Lloyd's tongue, but then Zelos says "you don't want this," and Lloyd can't decide if Zelos wants to go. If he thinks the risk is worth the possible reward. If he even likes Lloyd enough to go through with this.
Even now, though, Lloyd has one last wind in him, one last argument he can make. If Zelos still doesn't want to come with, that's - it's fine. Lloyd won't beg, won't make Zelos face him for any longer than he'd have to. He'll take his broken heart and leave on his own. Slowly, Lloyd steps forward, gently grabbing at Zelos' hands and squeezing them. Once upon a time, this kind of easy affection and comfort was as easy to share between them as breathing. Lloyd wishes it'd be that easy again.
"I... I don't want to leave you behind, Zelos," Lloyd near whispers, slowly bringing his gaze back up to Zelos'. "You're the only person who matters to me, and I don't want to say goodbye. It's selfish, I know, but I'm tired of giving up everything I have - everything I am to some empty crown who couldn't give less of a fuck about me. I don't want to give this up."
And then Lloyd drops Zelos' hands, closing his eyes with a sigh. "The truth is, I want nothing else than to be free with you. It wouldn't feel right otherwise."